Camus was right, Sartre was wrong - - James's blog

Is this the most stupid question ever asked?

2011-11-26T06:33:00.000-08:00

-
Richard Dawkins: Why do you support faith schools for children who are too young to have chosen their faith, thereby implicitly labelling them with the faith of their parents, whereas you wouldn't dream of so labelling a "Keynesian child" or a "Conservative child"?
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David Cameron: Comparing John Maynard Keynes to Jesus Christ shows, in my view, why Richard Dawkins just doesn't really get it. I think faith schools are very often very good schools. Why? Because the organisation that's backing them - the church or the mosque or the synagogue - is part of the community. And it brings a sense of community and the backing of an institution to a school. The church was providing good schools long before the state got involved, and we should respect the fact that it's not just the state that can provide education but other bodies, too.
-
Good answer, Mr Cameron

2011 - Annus Mirabilis

2011-11-21T13:26:00.000-08:00

Perfection, of a kind, was what he was after,

And the poetry he invented was easy to understand;

He knew human folly like the back of his hand,

And was greatly interested in armies and fleets;

When he laughed, respectable senators burst with laughter,

And when he cried the little chidren died in the streets.

- Epitaph on a Tyrant, W.H. Auden, 1939

Obama's "tell" signs of body language

2011-10-27T15:19:00.000-07:00

Obama's unconscious body language on Dominique Strauss-Kahn: "You toucha my wife, I smasha your face" ... http://pic.twitter.com/NNaEdMt5

How the Greeks see Europe

2011-10-15T10:03:00.001-07:00

Conspiracy theories for bored Parisians

2011-08-07T09:18:00.000-07:00

When the French philosopher and author Albert Camus died in a car accident in 1960 just two years after winning the Nobel prize for literature, France mourned a freakish tragedy.

In Camus's pocket was an unused return train ticket from his home in Provence to Paris. The 46-year-old writer had intended to travel back after the Christmas holidays by train with his wife Francine and their teenage twins Catherine and Jean. Instead, his friend and publisher Michel Gallimard offered to drive him.

Camus was killed instantly when Gallimard's powerful Facel Vega car left the icy road and ploughed into a tree. Gallimard died a few days later. As well as the train ticket, police found 144 pages of handwritten manuscript in the wreckage entitled The First Man, an unfinished novel based on Camus's childhood in Algeria and which he had predicted would be his finest work. The tragedy shocked and saddened France. But no one imagined that the crash had been anything other than an accident.

The Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera has now suggested that Soviet spies might have been behind the crash. The theory is based on remarks by Giovanni Catelli, an Italian academic and poet, who noted that a passage in a diary written by the celebrated Czech poet and translator Jan Zábrana, and published as a book entitled Celý život, was missing from the Italian translation.

Olivier Todd, a former BBC correspondent in Paris, whose biography, Albert Camus: Une Vie [A Life], was published in English in 2000, told the Observer that during research in Soviet archives he had not come across any reference to Moscow ordering the author's assassination. "My first reaction is that nothing about the activities of the KGB and its successors would surprise me, but this claim has left me flabbergasted. You have to ask yourself who would benefit from this coming out and why."

He added: "It's interesting and amusing and it is certainly true that KGB documentation is full of accounts of how the Soviets used the Czechs to do their dirty work. But while I wouldn't put it past the KGB to do such a thing, I don't believe the story is true."

(The Observer, 7 August 2011)

Relics and Pilgrimage

2011-07-31T02:46:00.000-07:00

Went to see the British Museum exhibition called Treasures of Heaven: saints, relics and devotion in Medieval Europe.

Highly relevant today.

At the end there was a three minute silent film showing modern cult of celebrity and remembrance: crowds and flowers at Graceland, crowds and flowers after Princess Diana's death, crowds queueing to see Lenin's mausoleum, and Mikhail Gorbachev visiting the desk at the British Library where Marl Marx worked.

In the same week, Amy Winehouse's dad was handing out items of her clothing to gathered fans in Camden Square.

"There is no new thing under the sun" - Ecclesiastes 1:9

British Museum - 30 July 2011

2011-07-30T13:30:00.001-07:00

Costumes from Oman and The Balkans. Plus artefacts from the Africa Gallery. The chair is from Mozambique.

Ceasefire, by Michael Longley

2011-06-11T04:29:00.000-07:00

I
Put in mind of his own father and moved to tears
Achilles took him by the hand and pushed the old king
Gently away, but Priam curled up at his feet and
Wept with him until their sadness filled the building.

II
Taking Hector's corpse into his own hands Achilles
Made sure it was washed and, for the old king's sake,
Laid out in uniform, ready for Priam to carry
Wrapped like a present home to Troy at daybreak.

III
When they had eaten together, it pleased them both
To stare at each other's beauty as lovers might,
Achilles built like a god, Priam good-looking still
And full of conversation, who earlier had sighed:

IV
'I get down on my knees and do what must be done
And kiss Achilles' hand, the killer of my son.'

Michael Longley, "Ceasefire"

Barack Obama as Marsellus Wallace

2011-05-08T05:51:00.000-07:00

Marsellus: I'm prepared to scour the the Earth for that motherfucker. If he goes to Indochina, I want a nigger waiting in a bowl of rice ready to pop a cap in his ass. (Pulp Fiction, Quentin Tarantino)

Nothing beside remains

2011-05-08T03:08:00.000-07:00

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away".

- Ozymandias, King of Kings (Shelley)

IBM Centennial films

2011-04-28T01:50:00.000-07:00

1
Moon landings. Invention of bar code. Invention of airline reservations.
1
Two great short films to celebrate IBM's 100 years.
1
Great achievements by a great company. One of the greatest.
1
The second film, called They Were There, is directed by Errol Morris with music by Philip Glass. Available to download free on i-Tunes. On YouTube as well. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrhDaAmn5Uw; http://www.ibm.com/ibm100/us/en/films/.

Do The Right Thing

2010-11-13T03:46:00.000-08:00

Mister Senor Love Daddy: WE LOVE ROLL CALL, Y'ALL! Boogie Down Productions, Rob Base, Dana Dane, Marley Marl, Olatunji, Chuck D, Ray Charles, EPMD, EU, Alberta Hunter, Run-D.M.C., Stetsasonic, Sugar Bear, John Coltrane, Big Daddy Kane, Salt-n-Pepa, Luther Vandross, McCoy Tyner, Biz Markie, New Edition, Otis Redding, Anita Baker, Thelonious Monk, Marcus Miller, Branford Marsalis, James Brown, Wayne Shorter, Tracy Chapman, Miles Davis, Force MDs, Oliver Nelson, Fred Wesley, Maceo, Janet Jackson, Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington, Jimmy Jam, Terry Lewis, George Clinton, Count Basie, Mtume, Stevie Wonder, Bobby McFerrin, Dexter Gordon, Sam Cooke, Parliament-Funkadelic, Al Jarreau, Teddy Pendergrass, Joe Williams, Wynton Marsalis, Phyllis Hyman, Sade, Sarah Vaughn, Roland Kirk, Keith Sweat, Kool Moe Dee, Prince, Ella Fitzgerald, Dianne Reeves, Aretha Franklin, Bob Marley, Bessie Smith, Whitney Houston, Dionne Warwick, Steel Pulse, Little Richard, Mahalia Jackson, Jackie Wilson, Cannonball AND Nat Adderley, Quincy Jones Marvin Gaye, Charles Mingus AND Marion Williams.
b
We wanna thank you all for makin' our lives just a little brighter here on We Love Radio!

Twitter - Words, words, words

2010-11-07T01:39:00.000-07:00

It has been a year and a half since I wrote anything on this blog. I use Twitter - http://twitter.com/JamesNeophytou.

Can say all you need in 140 characters. http://twitter.com/JamesNeophytou

Switching to Twitter

2009-03-07T12:21:00.001-08:00

https://twitter.com/JamesNeophytou

Trying out Twitter. http://twitter.com/home

JamesNeophytou

a) Because I don't see the point of it, and want to try it before having an opinion.

b) Because I have no time for long chats on blog. One sentence at a time probably what my attention span can accommodate these days.

Now is the winter of our discontent

2009-01-31T05:07:00.000-08:00

"About 2,000 workers at 17 sites across the country have been taking part in unofficial strikes protesting at the use of foreign labour. The protests started at the TOTAL Lindsey oil refinery in Lincolnshire. An Italian company that has been subcontracted to work on the site is using its existing employees. Trade unions maintain that the jobs ought to have gone to British workers" - The Times, 31 Jan 2009

"NOW IS THE DISCOUNT OF OUR WINTER TENTS" - sign in camping shop window, Stratford-Upon-Avon

It is the Italian workers I feel sorry for.

Holed up in a floatel, wanting to work.

The UK is bound through membership of the European Union to welcome workers from other EU states.

The contract was won fairly and the contractor used its employees.

I have no idea what the phrase "British jobs for British people" means. It sounds like something from 70 years ago.

British workers who are unable to find jobs in a severe downturn have understandable reason for frustration, but it is economically illiterate to suppose that domestic living standards and employment are damaged by the free movement of labour.

Economists refer to the “lump of labour fallacy”. This is the notion that there is a fixed amount of work to be done in the world, so that if jobs are taken by foreign workers then domestic workers will lose out.

A similar grievously mistaken notion was advanced, and refuted, when women entered the labour force in large numbers for the first time.

Workers not only take jobs, they also create jobs. When they spend their wages, they increase the demand for consumer goods and services. Even large-scale immigration has only a minuscule effect on unemployment and wage levels.

In 1936, The Jarrow March was a protest march against unemployment and extreme poverty suffered in North East England. The 200 marchers travelled from the town of Jarrow to the Palace of Westminster in London, a distance of almost 300 miles, to lobby Parliament. When the marchers completed their feat, very little was done for them. The ship industries remained closed and all that they were given was £1 each to get the train back from London.

Jump

2008-12-29T15:32:00.001-08:00

Demonstrators protest against the proposed $700 billion Wall Street bail-out in front of the New York Stock Exchange.

(Photo: NICHOLAS ROBERTS/AFP/Getty Images)

Harold Pinter, born 10 October 1930; died 24 December 2008

2008-12-29T14:50:00.000-08:00

By Janie Dee, in The Independent, Sunday 28th December 2008

"Today I'm thinking of Harold Pinter with sadness, but mostly with gratitude. Wanting to remember everything. Such as the first run through of his play Betrayal, in which I played Emma, in 2003. He turned up in his dark glasses. At the end he took them off and announced to Peter Hall that he thought it could be "the best" and that he was taking us all out to lunch. Peter later reassured us that the invitation was a sure sign of his approval.

I nervously asked him over for lunch with his wife, Antonia Fraser, (well, we did live round the corner). I made Irish stew as a nod to the play. They were easy, charming and fascinating together. We talked about how our five-year-old daughter Matilda had said "fuck off" in the bath the night before, then the conversation moved on to politics. I confided that I'd felt confused about Tony Blair recently, that he seemed to be making sense on the telly. Harold looked me straight in the eye. "Janie," he said, "let me make one thing absolutely clear. Tony Blair is a CUNT." After a slight pause, Antonia said: "Well I'm glad Matilda wasn't around to hear that."

A couple of years later in Dublin I was playing Kate in Old Times, as part of a Pinter Festival. We knew that, despite his illness, he was "here". In a hushed VIP room, the door slightly opened. In I went in my curlers. "Hello," I whispered. "Janie!" replied his deep, no nonsense, unmistakable voice. That look: completely direct, warm, twinkling – though it could be challenging when someone asked him a silly question and he would ask, "What do you mean?"

On the last day of the Pinter Festival in Dublin's gorgeous Gate Theatre, Derek Jacobi, Penelope Wilton, Michael Gambon, Sinead Cusack and Jeremy Irons turned out in tribute to him. Derek feigned inability. Penny swore a lot. Michael giggled. We read Celebration, which brought the house down. Harold came to the foot of the stage and shook our hands. Later, I sat next to him at dinner. I mentioned that American audiences were good and he erupted.

We first met when the Iraq war was a potential threat. "Excuse me," I said. "My name is Janie Dee and I am producing the London Concert for Peace, please could I ask you for some words?" The words were delivered to my address that afternoon in the shape of two poems: "God bless America" and "The Bombs". I decided that "God bless America" was too accusatory. He called to say: "Either you use both my poems or none at all." I was shocked, scared, irritated... then moved that he should care and bother. I would later find out that he would always care and always bother. Of course, both poems were done, and "God bless America" brought the house down.

The last time I saw Harold was in Windsor. He came to Peter Hall's production of Old Times and took us to dinner in a restaurant that I had only dreamed of going to as a child. He looked so handsome. He was charming, enthusiastic and clear about everything. He turned to me at one point and said directly: "I love it when you really go for it at the end there."

It had as much significance as when he had once turned to me and said slowly and precisely: "I've written another poem. It goes like this: 'And so it goes on... and on... and on.... And so it goes on... and on... and on.... And so it goes on, And so it goes on, And so it goes on... and on... and on...'" He paused. I waited. "Don't feel that you need make any comment," he said. And grinned."

Sexual fantasies 'can trigger sneezing fits'

2008-12-23T05:23:00.000-08:00

(By John von Radowitz, PA)

Sneezing may give a lot more away than the fact that someone has a cold. It could mean he or she is thinking lurid thoughts about sex, say scientists.

Researchers have found evidence that in certain people sneezing can be triggered by sexual fantasy.
The news could lead to raised eyebrows on the bus or train next time a passenger snorts into a tissue.
Both men and women are susceptible to the problem, which may be inherited. It is thought to be closely linked to the way sunlight can make some people sneeze.
Dr Mahmood Bhutta, an ear, nose and throat specialist at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford, launched the study after seeing a patient who suffered "uncontrollable" sneezing fits every time he had a sexual thought.
"We thought this unusual and performed a literature search of the topic," he wrote in the Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine.
Together with colleague Dr Harold Maxwell, a retired consultant psychiatrist, Dr Bhutta scoured internet chatrooms looking for examples of conversations about sneezing and sex.
Typing the words "sex, sneeze OR sneezing" into Google produced a surprising number of hits. Seventeen people of both sexes reported sneezing immediately they thought about sex, and three had the same experience after orgasm.
"Although internet reports do not give us an accurate incidence of these phenomena, our findings do suggest that it is much more common than recognised," wrote Dr Bhutta and Dr Maxwell.
Sneezing usually occurs in response to nasal irritation, triggering a reflex that expels air at speeds of around 150 kilometres an hour.
Eyebrow plucking can also provoke sneezing by stimulating the trigeminal nerve, which produces sensations in the face.
But other more puzzling sneezing triggers are also known, said the researchers.
One was the "photic sneeze reflex" - an apparently inherited sneezing reaction to looking at bright sunlight, which affects almost a quarter of the population.
More rarely, there were cases of people from the same family sneezing after meals.
Dr Bhutta said he believed sneezing when thinking about sex probably ran in families too, but was less likely to be discussed by children and parents.
He added: "It certainly seems odd, but I think this reflex demonstrates evolutionary relics in the wiring of a part of the nervous system called the autonomic nervous system.
"This is the part beyond our control, and which controls things like our heart rate and the amount of light let in by our pupils. Sometimes the signals in this system get crossed, and I think this may be why some people sneeze when they think about sex."

The President of the Board of Trade

2008-12-23T05:15:00.000-08:00

"This high official, all allow,

Is grossly overpaid,

There wasn't any Board; and now

There isn't any Trade"

- Sir Alan Herbert, 1922

Byzantium, 330 - 1453, Royal Academy of Arts

2008-12-23T03:57:00.000-08:00

Went to see the Byzantium exhibition yesterday. It is miraculous.

On until March 2009.

Overwhelming to see things that are 1,000 years old or more.

A child's tunic with hood, and sandals, from around 700AD had me gaping for a full 10 minutes.

Leaving the exhibition I couldn't help thinking how these things have survived over 1,000 years, and we are still interested in the life of bibles, and ceremony, and chalices, and icons. Richard Dawkins may be right about the science, but he is so wrong about the need that homo sapiens has for religion.

There is a brilliant icon that reminded me of the song Stairway to Heaven ... copied above. Another highlight is the Chalice of Antioch, thought to be the Holy Grail itself.

Amazing.

Brilliant.

in fact

2008-12-23T03:40:00.000-08:00

One in every 12,500,000 spam emails gets a response. At this response rate, hackers will make about £4,430 a day or £2.21m a year.

Truckers are Britain's fattest male profession. In a survey of 5,000 men, more than 42 per cent of lorry drivers were found to have a waist band size above the average of 38 inches. Lawyers were the next fattest male job, followed by IT workers.

Lyon have won their league title for the past seven seasons—making France the least competitive of UEFA's 53 nations, except for Moldova, where Sheriff Tiraspot have won eight straight titles dating back to 2001.

Elephants cannot jump.

50 per cent of British Muslim women go to university, compared to a national average of 38 per cent.

A Rubik's cube has 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 permutations. (New York Times magazine, 28th November 2008)

There are around 20 families with the name Obama in the US, compared with more than 11,000 Clintons and 60,000 Bushes. There is only one known Obama family in Britain; they live in Clapham. (Washington Post, 28th November 2008 & BBC News, 4th February 2008)

98 per cent of the Aston Martins ever produced are still on the road.

New Statesman - descriptions of the famous

2008-12-18T13:33:00.000-08:00

David Cameron
. . . looks like the kind of man who applies Brylcreem to his teeth and toothpaste to his hair.

John Prescott
. . . went through life looking both surprised and angry to find himself standing under the right head of hair.

Leon Brittan
. . . even in a good mood, wore an expression that said: "I am not going to waste a perfectly good sneer on you."

Peter Mandelson
. . . looks as if his hair has been forbidden to grow beyond a certain length.

David Miliband
. . . looks like the sort who should be wearing a trilby.

Gordon Brown
. . . is the kind of person who would reverse the charges dialling 999.

Nelson Mandela
. . . is an old South African guy who has spent half his life in jail and the other half attending rock concerts and getting kissed by Spice Girls.

Simon Cowell
. . . is a man with his ear perpetually to the grindstone.

Peter Mandelson
. . . has the aura of a man for whom the self-opening door might have been invented.

Iain Duncan Smith
. . . speaks with the voice of someone who has mistaken battery acid for mouthwash.

New Pinter play

2008-11-28T13:52:00.000-08:00

b
b

Verbatim: Joe Kinnear's first press conference as Newcastle United Manager

3rd October 2008

Joe Kinnear: Which one is Simon Bird ? (Daily Mirror journalist)

Bird: Me.

JK: You're a c---.

Bird: Thank you

JK: Which one is Hickman ? (Niall Hickman, Daily Express)

You are out of order. Absolutely f------ out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can f--- off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that f----- crap. No f------ way, lies.

F---, you're saying I turned up and they f----- off.

Bird: No Joe, have you read it, it doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?

JK: I've f----- read it, I've read it.

Bird: It doesn't say that. Have you read it?

JK: You are trying to f------ undermine my position already.

Bird: Have you read it, it doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.

JK: F--- off. F--- off. It's your last f------ chance.

Bird: You read the copy? It doesn't say that you didn't know.

JK: What about the headline, you think that's a good headline?

Bird: I didn't write the headline, you read the copy.

JK: You are negative b-------, the pair of you.

Bird: So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss and telling I am taking the first day off?

JK: It is none of your f------ business. What the f--- are you going to do? You ain’t got the balls to be a f------ manager. F------ day off. Do I want your opinion? Do I have to listen to you?

Bird: No, you can listen to who you want.

JK: I had a 24-hour meeting with the entire staff.

Bird: Joe you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.

JK: No, no, no. I didn't want to do it. I had some other things to do.

Bird: What? More important things?

JK: What are you? My personal secretary? F--- off.

Bird: You could have done the meeting Saturday night or Sunday? You could have had them watching videos, you could have organised them?

JK: I was meeting the f------ chairman the owner, everyone else. Talking about things.

Bird: It is a valid point that was made in there. A valid point.

JK: I can't trust any of you.

Hickman: Joe no one could believe that on your first day at your new club, the first team players were not in. No one could believe it in town. Your first day in the office.

JK: My first day was with the coaches. I made the decision that I wanted to get as much information out of them.

Hickman: But why Monday, no one could believe it?

JK: I'm not going to tell you anything. I don't understand where you are coming from. You delighted that Newcastle are getting beat and are in the state they are? Delighted are you?

Hickman: Certainly not. No one wants to see them get beaten, why would we?

JK: I have done it before. It is going to my f------ lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not f------ about. I don't talk to f------ anybody. Everything I f------ say or do. It is raking up stories. You are f------ so f------ slimy: you are raking up players that I got rid of; players that I had fallen out with. You are not asking Robbie Earle, because he is sensible. You are not asking Warren Barton? No. Because he is f------ sensible. Anyone who had played for me for ten years at any level you will find some c--- that .....

Journalist: How long is your contract for Joe?

JK: None of your business

Bird: Well it is actually, because we cover the club. The club say you are here to the end of October, then you say six-to-eight games which would take it to the end of November. We are trying to clarify these issues. We are getting no straight answers from anyone. How long are you here for? It is a dead simple question. And you don't know....

JK: I was told the length of contract. Then I was told that possibly the club could be sold in that time. That is as far as I know. That's it finished. I don't know anything else. But I have been ridiculed. He's trying to f------ hide, he's trying to do this or that.

Bird: What happened at your meeting with Ashley?

JK: At the meeting I was asked how did it go, what reception, this that and the other. I told him not too clever. He wanted to know how the team done. I told him. Better second half than we were first half. I asked him what is the situation. Any news or updates on what is going one. He said I have six to eight consortium lined up and that is all I can tell you. That was it.

Bird: Have you met Mike before?

JK: No

Bird: Not even at the Orange Tree pub, Totteridge?

JK: You want to get your facts right. Dennis Wise never played under me.

Bird: None of us have even written that...

JK: Another one of you wrote. We met in a pub. We are friends in a pub and that is when it was done, in a pub. Good imagination eh? It is nonsense.
Will I get time and get judged on results?

Steve Brenner (Sun): We are all grown men and can come in here and sit around and talk about football, but coming in here and calling people c---?

JK: Why? Because I am annoyed. I am not accepting that. If it is libelous, it is going to where I want it to go.

Press office: What has been said in here is off the record and doesn't go outside.

Journalist: Well, is that what Joe thinks?

JK: Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Don't effect me I assure you. It'll be the last time I see you anyway. Won't effect me. See how we go at Everton and Chrissy can do it, someone else can do it. Don't trust any of you’s.
I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can f--- off. I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of c--- that has been written about me.
I am ridiculed for no reason. I am defenseless. I can't say nothing. I can't do nothing. Then half of you are trying to get into the players... and I am not going to tell you what the players think of you all. So you will think I have a split camp. It just doesn't stop.

Journalist: But it's only been a week!

I'm ridiculed for no reason. I'm defenceless. I can't get a point in, I can't say nothing, I can't do nothing, but I ain't going to be negative. Then, half of you, most of you are trying to get into the players. I'm not going to tell you what the players think of you, so then you try and get into them in some way or another, so I've got a split camp or something like that, something like that. It's ongoing. It just doesn't stop.

Journalist: It's only been a week.

Exactly. It feels more like a year.

Journalist: It's early days for you to be like this.

No, I'm clearing the air. And this is the last time I'm going to speak to you. You want to know why, I'm telling you. This is the last time. You can do what you like.

Journalist: But this isn't going to do you or us any good.

I'll speak to the supporters. I'm going to tell them what the story is. I'm going to tell them. I don't think they'll interpret it any different, I don't think they'll mix it up, I don't think they'll miss out things. I mean, one of them last week said to me - I was talking about in that press conference where you were there, I said something like ‘well that's a load of b-------'.

Journalist: 'B------- to that' is what you said.

B------- to that.’ And what goes after that?

Journalist: That was it.

No, it wasn't, no it wasn't. What was after it? I don't know if it was your paper, but what went after it?

Journalist: I don't know.

It even had the cheek to say ‘b------- to Newcastle'

Journalist: I didn't write that.

That was my first f------ day. What does that tell you? What does that tell you?

Journalist: Where was that? Which paper said that?

I've got it. I can't remember. It was one of the Sundays, not a Saturday. It was a Sunday.

Journalist: But you didn't say that to the Sundays, you said that to us. That was during the Monday press conference.

I've got it, I've got it. I'll bring it in and show it to you. Why would I want to say that? And why would you want to put something like that behind it?

Journalist: Are you saying that someone has reported you saying ‘B------- to Newcastle?'

Yes. Lovely.

Journalist: I don't know who's reported that.

I'll tell you what, I'll bring it in.

Journalist: That's obviously going to damage you. That's not a good thing. But I don't think someone's done that. We have to have some sort of relationship with you.
So have I? But I haven't come in here for you lot to take the piss out of me. And if I'm not flavour of the month for you, it don't f------ bother me. I've got a job to do. And I'm going to do it to the best of my ability and get on with it. I'm not going to spend any more time listening to any c--- or reading any c---. Ok? I know you've got a job to do. Stick to the truth and the facts. That's all you've got to do. Stick to the truth and, I'm saying, the facts. And don't twist anything. That's all I'm asking you. But that's impossible in journalism. Because I've been...

Journalist: You know, you know the game.

Of course I know, but I don't have to like it.

Journalist: Today we'll print the absolute truth, that you think we're c----, we can all f--- off and we're slimy. Is that fair enough?

Do it. Fine. F------ print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that it'll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.

Journalist: Ferguson said it the other day to the Man U lot. But down in London some of your best friends were journalists.

Like who?

Journalist: -------------. They were big mates of yours weren't they?
I don't know ------------------. I know a -------------. But they were honest. They were honest. They didn't twist anything I had to say. That's why they were my friends. I'm as straight as they come, but I will stand up and fight for myself in any corner. You're not going to f---- me off or frighten me in any manner. Whatever you do, or whatever headlines you run,you're not going to embarrass me. I'm not going to stand for it. I've come up here for a simple chance to f------ prove myself. Just wait, wait and make a decision after whatever period of time you want to. That's fine. Until then, get off my back and let me get on with my job. That all I ask. Just do that. That's all I ask of you. f------ hell. Was it last week, who wrote the headline ‘It's gone from bad to worse, it's Morecambe and Wise'. That's one f------ headline. I've got that as well. I don't know which one of you has done that. ‘It's a circus now', that's another f------ headline. ‘The circus leader's come to town', another headline. That's journalists. Are you happy with that?

Journalist: The people who write the headlines are based in London. We don't write them.

JK: Am I supposed to be delighted with it?

Journalist: Newcastle has been called a circus long before you arrived.

JK: Yeah, I'm the ringmaster of the circus.

Journalist: It's the situation. It's not just you. The club's up for sale. It's the whole situation of the past three months, all the Keegan stuff, whatever, that you've come into. But you're not the spearhead of everything. It's not a case of 'you've come in so now we're going to slaughter you'. That's not how it works.

JK: For two days I don't think I saw a decent report. There might be one today. For the first two days, I haven't seen one. Not one. A pile like that (gestures). Some of you are either feeding some dummy to say even more, to put the boot in even more. So it's like that.

Journalist: But you've hardly come in to a club where it's stable anyway, there are so many other problems going on, everyone…

JK: But why do you want stories on the negative side?

Journalist: (Unintelligible).

JK: The only way to get the positives is to get a result.

Journalist: Seriously, with the best will in the world, when you got the job, the club released a statement, and in your first interviews you contradicted that statement by saying you'd got the job for a longer period of time, you admitted you got the job because everybody else had said no.

JK: Well I can't tell a lie about that, that's a fact.

Journalist: You said that Alan Shearer and Kevin Keegan were parked around the corner to get the manager's job after you.

JK: Hold on, hold on. I said that was relayed to me. But you didn't put that in though. You missed that bit out. You did, I saw it as well. You wrote it "I'm not saying it was you" in such a way that you didn't put in half the things that I said. You twisted it each time. I've been in the game long enough to know that.

Journalist: Can I finish my point?

JK: Yes, well I'm telling you your answer.

Journalist: We have to reflect and report on and try and find out what's going on at this football club. In your first public statements you contradicted things and said things.

JK: Tell me what I contradicted.

Journalist: The length of the contract, who was coming in next ...

JK: Do you want to see it? So you're calling me a liar then?
Journlist: No, I'm saying that it was a contradiction of the club's statement, which we've already established.

JK: I didn't know that. I didn't know there was a statement, why didn't you tell me you had a statement?

Journalist: I think we did say that.

JK: I told you exactly what the truth was. What it says on my contract.

Journalist: Yes but it was contradictory to what the club said.

JK: Ok, I take your point.

Journalist: You also made several other points that we had to find the truth out of. KK and Alan Shearer. Now if we approach those people and they say 'no, we've never heard of it', it doesn't help the feeling around the club.

JK: Well where have you been then? Where have you been before I come, what were the headlines then? Where were you? Another planet.

Journalist: It was chaotic before you got there.

JK: No. The write up. What was the write up.

Journalist: Sorry, I don't know what you're asking me.

JK: The write up was the consortium from Nigeria or wherever it might be, the agent spoke quite clearly that he had spoken to Mr Ashley and we've decided on such a such fee and yes, hold on, let me finish, you might have wrote it, it's true to say that I'm in talks with KK and AS. Right, ok. So that's written.

Journalist: That doesn't mean it's true.
Really? You asked me what the consortium said. And I said exactly what was said in that paper. And I'm saying exactly what was told to me. I've got no reason to say it and you tried to change it, whoever it is, one or two of you, that you thought I was hiding behind it. Yes you did, yes you did.

Journalist: There's a difference between a consortium coming in and saying we want KK and we've spoken to KK and you reporting what Mike Ashley is telling you, that KK and AS are parked round the corner.
No. Mike Ashley told me that he had got that from the consortium. So you're not getting your facts write. So when I said the consortium told MA who told me, that was discreetly missed, it was missed and so you go onto the negative stuff.

Journalist: The point I'm trying to make is that this was your first day in the job and it's created more chaos and unrest and we've reflected that. It's not about you as a manager. I don't think of us have called into question your ability as a manager or what you bring..

What are you talking about? I've been crucified. Absolutely crucified in every single newspaper.

Journalists: No, that's not true.

Absolutely. Morecome and Wise headlines!

Journalist: You said yourself you got offered the job because everyone else had turned it down.
What's that got to do with Morecome and Wise?

Journalist: I don't know, I didn't write that headline. You said that fans would be disappointed you got the job.

Yes.

Journalist: right, ok, we've reflected that. No one has criticised your qualities as a manager.
We've not seen them, we've not seen the evidence on the pitch.
What other way did I get the job then?

Journalist: Sorry?

What other way did I get the job then?

Journalist: Because of your track record?

No I got the job because I was honest. Half a dozed managers turned it down. Ask them what reasons they turned it down. Why did they turn it down?

Journalist: I don't know.

Well they you are then. Do your ------- homework and ask them.

Journalist: But that's the reason why it's farcical. Not just you, it's the whole situation. Nothing specific about you. The farce is that it's a club up for sale with no manager, six people are turning down interim jobs, it's not you. Dennis and Mike can't even come to the ground, it's the whole situation, the squad's threadbare. This all predates your arrival. But your arrival didn't help the situation in the short-term, that's what I was trying to say.
It's not 100 per cent personal with you, no way. Even Chris a few days before had admitted he'd had no contact with the people upstairs. It's the whole lot that's a farce, that's the thing. If you look at the papers before your arrival, they're exactly the same, that this club had become a laughing stock. The fans are saying it, go on the message boards. They're saying even worse than us. We're just reflecting the whole situation, it's not just Joe Kinnear. Then you're banned for the first two matches. Not your fault, but it doesn't help the mood around the club. Is your decision not to speak to us final?

I think so, yeah. I don't see any future in it, anyway. Whatever happens, the only way I'm going to win anything is by getting results. And it's still going to be negative, negative, negative. I'm reading one negative story after another after another. Half of the stuff is ----, I don't know where you're getting your information from or who's feeding you the stuff. Anything I tell you, you can write. You can write what I've said today. Go on, bang away. I've said it and done it. I don't have to hide anything.

Journalist: I don't think it's in your interests and it's certainly not in our interests "I'm being selfish" not to speak to us. I don't think that's a good decision. Obviously you're very angry and perhaps with some justification in certain circumstances, but I don't know if that's a good decision on your behalf in the long run.

Well that's your point of view.

Press officer: Let's get on to football. Let's have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, it's wiped off and we' re not discussing it.

Journalist: But that's what Joe has said he thinks of us.

Press officer: I'm saying don't push it. Let's accept what's been said on both sides and try and move on.

Journalist: Move on to not doing any more press conferences?

Press officer: No, to doing something now.

Journalist: What, one press conference only?
(Silence)

Journalist: Any knocks?

Press officer: Come on, let's go football.

Journalist: What are your plans for training in the next three days? How's the training going?
It's going very well. No problems at all.

Journalist: Do you feel as though they've accepted you?
Yeah, I think so.

Journalist: Enjoyed getting back in the swing of things?

Absolutely. I've loved every moment of it. What can I say? I don't need any more burdens than what's happening at the moment. The only thing I want to be doing is to be left alone to work with the players, try and get a vocal voice and feedback from the players. I've sat them all done and had one on ones with Michael, Nicky Butt, Shay Givens, I mean Given, you'll pick up on that again. And it's been good. I've enjoyed it. It's difficult asking players to play out of position and getting some shape in the team.

F-words: 36, C-words: 4, B-words: 6. Total: 46

in fact - Nov/Dec 2008

2008-11-22T07:49:00.000-08:00

- Honey bees can be trained to count up to four

- Liverpool lost almost half its population between 1937 and 2001.

- Paul Newman was number 19 on Richard Nixon's enemies list.

- Ho Chi Minh worked as a pastry cook at the Carlton Hotel in London in 1916.

- More women than men accepted a place at medical and dentistry schools in 2007, with 5,128 women enrolling compared to only 3,929 men. 79 per cent of first year student vets in 2007-8 were women. 63 per cent of students enrolled with the Law Society in 2007 were women.

- In 2005, black American women were just behind white non-Hispanic men in graduation rates per capita, at 37 per cent compared to 39 per cent. If current trends continue, they will soon overtake them.

- People born in December are most likely to submit a claim for motor insurance.

- Of the top ten cities in the EU for car thefts, seven are in Italy (including the top five of Caserta, Catania, Napoli, Torino and Roma) and three are in Britain (Manchester, Nottingham, Hull).

- Barack Obama's 4th October rally in Anchorage, Alaska had four times as many attendees as Sarah Palin's rally at the same time in the same city.

- Last September, Aston Martin sold 150 cars in Britain. This September, it sold three.

- Since 1929, Republicans and Democrats have each controlled the presidency for nearly 40 years. As of 10th October 2008, a $10,000 investment in the S&P stock market index would have grown to $11,733 if invested under Republican presidents only, or $51,211 if Herbert Hoover's presidency during the depression is excluded. Invested under Democratic presidents only, it would have grown to $300,671.

- Aerosmith have made more money in royalties from the video game Guitar Hero: Aerosmith than from any of their albums.

Our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared

2008-11-06T00:49:00.000-08:00

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.
b
"It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.
b
"It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled, Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states.

"A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Senator McCain.
"Senator McCain fought long and hard in this campaign. And he's fought even longer and harder for the country that he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine. We are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader.

"I congratulate him; I congratulate Governor Palin for all that they've achieved. And I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.

"I was never the likeliest candidate for this office.

"We didn't start with much money or many endorsements.

"Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington. It began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

"It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give 5 and 10 and 20 to the cause.

"It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy, who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep.

"It drew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on doors of perfect strangers, and from the millions of Americans who volunteered and organised and proved that more than two centuries later a government of the people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth.

"This is your victory.

"And I know you didn't do this just to win an election. And I know you didn't do it for me.

"You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime - two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.

"The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there.

"I promise you, we as a people will get there.

"There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can't solve every problem.
"But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it's been done in America for 221 years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

"What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night.
"This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were.

"It can't happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.
"So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other.

"Let's remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity.

"Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress.

"As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.

"And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too.

"And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces, to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand.

"To those - to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

"This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.

"Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America."

- Barack Obama, President-elect, Victory speech extract, 4 November 2008

Oh Happy Day

2008-11-04T22:24:00.000-08:00

What a relief. 6 billion people would be going to bed every night sweating with Sarah Palin in the White House. There is definitely a place for redneck hockey moms. Alaska. Far away from us.

And the sight of John McCain just reminded me of chino-polo shirt-country club-golf course-yachting club-striped tie-vested interests-knee-jerk.....jerks. I have no idea if Barack Obama will be a good president. But I am proud and glad he made it.

Funniest line on the radio this morning: "The Democrats started the sub prime debacle, and now they're back".

Translation as negotiation

2008-10-31T02:12:00.000-07:00

In Umberto Eco's book about translation, "Mouse or Rat?", the professor goes onto Babelfish, the online translation system by AltaVista, and plays around.

"I gave it a series of English expressions and asked it to translate them into Italian. Then I asked it to translate them back into English.

Only in the last case did I follow a more complicated path, that is: English - Italian - German - English.

Here are the results: -

1. The works of Shakespeare -> Gli impianti di Shakespeare -> The plants of Shakespeare.

2. Speaker of the chamber of deputies -> Altoparlante dell'alloggiamento dei delegati -> Loudspeaker of the lodging of the delegates

3. Studies in the logic of Charles Sanders Peirce -> Studi nella logica delle sabbiatrici Peirce del Charles -> Studien in der Logik der Charlesandpapierschleifmaschinen Peirce -> Studies in the logic of the Charles of sanders paper grinding machines Peirce"

in fact...Prospect magazine, October 2008

2008-10-19T03:17:00.000-07:00

- Over the next two decades, China is likely to construct as many new buildings as Europe's total current stock.

- Between 1997 and 2007, the rise in British property values exceeded the gross earnings of all British female employees over the same period.

- China's biggest single oil supplier is Angola.

- 23 per cent of Germans believe the US government was behind 9/11. The figures in Britain, France and Italy are 5, 8 and 15 per cent respectively. In Egypt, just 12 per cent blame the US, although 43 per cent point the finger at Israel.

- One in four adults in New York City have herpes.

Quotes of the week:-

"I didn't see 'Jaws - the Revenge', but I did see the extension to the house that it bought" - Sir Michael Caine

"Which came first, the Chicken Nugget or the Egg McMuffin?" - Little Jackie

"Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up.

It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or be killed.

Every morning in Africa a lion wakes up.It knows it must out run the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.

It doesn’t matter if you are a lion or a gazelle.

When the sun comes up, you better start running"

- African Proverb

The fallacy of the mixed economy

2008-09-30T02:10:00.001-07:00

"Nobody knows anything"

This was the punchline that William Goldman made famous when he wrote about Hollywood in his "Adventures in the Screen Trade". No-one can predict which film was going to be a hit or a flop.

In the same way, following the financial turmoil it seems no-one is actually steering, and Adam Smith's "invisible hand". has either got arthritis or has fallen asleep at the wheel.

In a sick kind of way I am actually grateful to the Republicans who pushed back on the Paulson plan, and stuck to their principles and challenged the nationalisation. It must be pretty hard for a free market politician (aren't they all?) to step back and agree to government intervention. But they have no choice and will get there.

The average Joe (plumber) can't figure out if the deal is really for for "Main Street or Wall Street". One thing is for sure the image and implications of the two words "The City" will never be the same again.

Double standards

I remember in late 2006 that Christmas saving scheme - Farepak - collapsed, costing thousands of families their annual savings.

Farepak's bank HBOS, was not willing to accept a new borrowing and business plan and called in the company's overdraft.

Incredible that the pin-stripes deserve our bail out, when needy families are tossed aside as a burden.

What to do

4 things. 1. Keep your money exactly where it is. 2. Put your head out of the window, and scream "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more". 3. Read a good book. 4. Watch a good film.

I'd recommend three prophetic books that I have read in the past couple of years. They predicted this turmoil, not directly, but by addressing the fundamental instability of greed. Forever burying Gordon Gekko's words, "Greed is good". For a while there, people actually believed those words.

- The Shock Doctrine, by Naomi Klein. Canadian prophet takes on the free market and its architect Milton Friedman and wins.

- Afflueza, by Oliver James. Deep sickness of our times, the addiction to consumption.

- Status Anxiety, by Alain de Botton. How to treat the consequences of that part of human nature that must keep up with the Jones's.

Watch "A Matter of Life and Death" and "Amelie" and "21 Grams" and "Network" and "Amores Perros" and "Sicko" and "Educating Rita" and "Glengarry Glen Ross" and "Tokyo Story" and "Intolerable Cruelty" and "Stalag 17".

And bring a spring back to your step.

Gordon's Word Cloud

2008-09-23T10:56:00.000-07:00

This word cloud displays words in proportion to their frequency

Marrying football and philosophy

2008-09-20T10:16:00.000-07:00

A new football academy in France is aiming to turn its pupils not just into star goalkeepers, but top-class thinkers and citizens.

Drawing inspiration from World Cup-winning keeper Fabien Barthez and philosopher Albert Camus - the unique institution aims to instil the values of citizenship in 11-16-year-olds from around the world and from all walks of life.

That means mutual respect, discipline, understanding and a sense of team spirit are as important in football, say organisers, as in the communities where they live.

One of those behind the project is Barthez, the former Manchester United and France goalkeeper.

"We're trying to get away from the idea of producing champions - we're more interested in promoting good morals among young adults," he says.

"It is important for our pupils to learn to become men, just as much as it is for them to learn to become goalkeepers.

"I want to give back to football what it has given to me."

"Everyone needs guidance for later on in life. Everything is based around the football, and expanded to show that some of the skills we learn on the pitch can be used in life.

"Every time a child saves a ball it's similar to every difficult situation they will face in life. Every time they jump to catch a ball, or go into a tackle, they need courage and commitment, and it's similar in life", he says. "

As well as the football and life-skills coaching, the students will also receive a conventional education, in line with France's school curriculum.

The academy is based in south-west France, at a school high in the Pyrenees, in the pretty spa town of Luchon.

As well as support from local businesses, international companies such as Nike, and the French FA, it appears to have captured the imagination of the sporting world - with a number of English Premier League clubs said to be watching the academy's progress closely.

Students from France and abroad will board at the local school and train every evening. They have been selected for their goalkeeping ability, and also for their resilience in what is a competitive and mentally challenging sport.

The academy's philosophy has drawn comparisons with French writer and Nobel Prize winner, Albert Camus, an Algerian-born philosopher and goalkeeper, who saw the beautiful game as providing moral guidance and inspiration for living.

"All that I know most surely about morality and obligations, I owe to football", he said.

By Russell Trott BBC News

in fact...(Prospect magazine, September 2008)

2008-09-19T02:57:00.001-07:00

- Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest, and failed to make the finals.

- Catholics believe that the soul comes into existence at the exact moment of conception. In Greek Orthodoxy, "ensoulment" happens at 21 days, in Islam at 40 days, and in Judaism at 80 days.

- British Telecom spends £3m a year on removing clamps on its vehicles in London.

- 1p pieces are 97% copper. Today's high copper price means they are worth around 3p.

- Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu both have houses on Vilakazi Street, Soweto. It is the only address to house two Nobel Peace prize winners.

- The total computing power at NASA in 1957, when Sputnik was luanched, was less than that available in a mobile phone today.

- Percentage of children under 12 in England who have visited: -
Spain 57%, France 54%, Wales 44%, Scotland 39%

Le beau jeu est terminé

2008-09-13T08:05:00.000-07:00

"The Beautiful Game is Over: The Globalisation of Football", has just been published by Professor John Samuels, Emeritus Professor of Business Finance at the University of Birmingham.

He was my tutor at the Uni, and was head of department. As I recall a top bloke.

It has a nostalgic yearning for the days when local teams were supported by local people and paints a sorry picture of meddling billionaires, and the hapless blazerati of the administrative layers of football.

It is a very readable book, obviously written by a true football lover as it is packed with statistics, anecdotes and the minutest of detail.

I could not put it down over the summer holiday and highly recommend it.

I don't have so much of a problem with money and football. I'd rather have Robinho and Scolari and Tevez and Torres and Capello here rather than elsewhere.

At the end of the day, 90 minutes of football is 90 minutes of football, and there is nothing to beat it.

Quote of the week: "The game is a lesser game without Kevin Keegan." - Roy Keane

Best Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

2008-08-15T10:47:00.000-07:00

"I wonder what would happen if Franz Ferdinand were assassinated" - Glenn Wool

"The Olympics are for everyone, not just someone who happens to own a dancing horse" - Glenn Wood, on dressage

"I like Jesus, but he loves me, so it's awkward" - Tom Stade

"Glasgow has its own version of Monopoly - just one big square that reads "Go To Jail" - Des Clarke

"A problem shared is attention gained" - Pippa Evans

"I love paying tax so much, the sight of a gritter lorry gives me an erection" - Jon Richardson

"I'm dating now, because I ran out of hooker money" - Rick Shapiro

"The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe. Wouldn't it just be easier to talk to a woman?" - Stephen Brown

"I don't hate Germans. I just miss my grandparents" - Ian Stone

"My boyfriend likes to role play. He likes to pretend we are married. He waits until I go to bed, then he looks at porn and has a wank" - Joanna Neary

Communist jokes

2008-07-20T13:58:00.000-07:00

Leonid Brezhnev wants to commission a painting to be called "Lenin in Poland".

Russian painters, being trained in the Realist school, are unable to paint an event that had never actually occurred.

In desperation, Brezhnev is forced to ask the old Jewish painter Levy.

"Of course, I prefer to portray actual events", says Levy, "but I'll do the painting for you, comrade. It would be my great honour"

Brezhnev is delighted. Levy commences work on the painting.

Finally, the unveiling day arrives.

Everyone gasps as the cloth is removed to reveal a picture of a man in bed with a woman.

Brezhnev asks, horrified, "Who is that man?"

"That's Trotsky", says the artist.

"And who", Brezhnev enquires, "is that woman?"

"Comrade Brezhnev, that is Lenin's wife".

"But where is Lenin?"

"He's in Poland", Levy explained.

Why do East German police travel in threes?

One who can read, one who can write, and one to keep his eye on the two intellectuals.

Cracking new book by Ben Lewis called, "Hammer and Tickle, A History of Communism told through Communist Jokes".

in fact...

2008-07-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

More Rolex Oyster watches have been reported stolen on the Costa del Sol than have ever been manufactured
There are 200,000 students at Cairo University

Red Bull is illegal in Norway, Denmark and Iceland

In the US in 2005, one third of wives outearned their husbands

86% of British fathers attend the birth of their children

The oldest man in Europe and the oldest man in the US were both born on 6th June 1896

(Prospect magazine, July 2008)

Sounds like Not The 9 O'clock News

2008-06-28T17:47:00.000-07:00

"Election officials in Zimbabwe say final results from the one-candidate presidential election have been delayed " - BBC news web site, 29 June 2008

When I was at school, one of my favourite extra curricular activites, after football, was drama. We even got to study it, part time, and we learnt about "the theatre of the absurd". Non-sensical situations and hilarious characters combined to create a late surrealist theatre that was dominated by Samuel Beckett, Harold Pinter, and my favourite, Eugene Ionesco.

We devoured plays like The Dumb Waiter, Waiting for Godot, The Bald Prima Donna and The Hothouse.

Despite their fantastical plays, all these playwrights declared that every day life and speech was much worse that anything depicted in their plays.

None would be surprised to see the above quote on the BBC web site as the first item of news.

Beware...

2008-06-28T14:50:00.000-07:00

Mambo Italiano

2008-06-28T13:45:00.000-07:00

(Tony S, Benito M, Silvio B, Marcello L)

If we ignore Portugal and their various distractions, and the comically misdirected French, there is no question about the worst showing here. It was by the world champions Italy.

They scuffled for crumbs, they had a striker in Luca Toni who was so bad some fans demanded that he be examined to confirm that he possessed a single Italian gene.

Donadoni lingered in the job just long enough to clear his desk. He accepted the immutable law of Italian international football that that if you do not succeed, you go.

Italy do not linger over failure. They do something about it. They go out and find someone equal to the job. It is perhaps why, even now, they stand second only to Brazil in the rankings of world football. (James Lawton, The Independent, 28/06/2008).....ah if only politics were like football.

Career advice from David Brent

2008-06-24T09:52:00.000-07:00

"Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do."

"Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability."

"When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, - How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

"If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a
fork and imagine him in jail."

"Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the
wit and wisdom to do their job properly."

"Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario."

"Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of
mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day
in the average office."

in fact...

2008-06-15T13:57:00.000-07:00

- In 1958, the Royal Navy had 645 vessels. Today, it has less than 100.

- 74% of London's workers think about trying to find a new job every day, compared to 11% of workers in the southwest.

- There are 345 local councillors in Manchester, Liverpool, Newcastle and Sheffield, and only one of them is a Conservative (in Manchester).

- In 2007, the average price of a chewing gum cost 3p to buy, but 10p to remove from the pavement.

- Last year there were 731 crimes per 100,000 people in Glasgow, compared to 631 in New York.

(Prospect magazine, June 2008).

Roll on the new season: Luiz Felipe Scolari is in town

2008-06-13T15:00:00.000-07:00

The real boss in the Scolari household is Olga, 58, his wife of 33 years: a biology graduate, trained teacher and, as an accomplished painter, an esteemed member of the San Diego Museum of Arts.

The Scolaris were childhood sweethearts who met when he was a petrol pump attendant and she a hotel maid.

When asked why he had not watched a recorded England match, he replied: "I have a tape of it but I won't be watching it when I get to my house. I want to see my wife – if you know what I mean."

When his Portugal captain Luis Figo headbutted Holland's Mark van Bommel during the 2006 World Cup , the boss leapt to the defence of his skipper: "Jesus said we should turn the other cheek. Unfortunately, Figo is not Jesus Christ."

When his contract with Chelsea is up, he will be a very rich man indeed. Big Phil is to be paid round about £21m over four years.

Arabic saying

2008-06-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

n
"An army of sheep led by a lion will defeat an army of lions led by a sheep".

Also attributed to Alexander the Great.

Oh well

2008-05-22T05:32:00.000-07:00

It was almost a perfect evening.

Drogba sent off. Ronaldo misses a penalty.

I was in fantasy dreamland.

I felt the same way that Henry Kissinger felt about the Iran-Iraq War in the 1980's.

He said "It's a shame they can't both lose".

Plundering Russia's natural resources. Priceless. For everything else, there's Avram Grant.

Neo

2008-05-19T04:11:00.000-07:00

Delighted to announce the birth of baby Neo.

Born: 13 May 2008. 7 lbs and 14 oz. Named Neo, after my dad.

Mum and baby fine.

Have taken 2 weeks paternity leave, and we are sleep deprived, but it is going ok.

Relatively quick labour and simple delivery. But I had it easy.

Nicholas is being curious and helpful. I am currently doing the school run. Nice to get good wishes from other parents and teachers.

Thank God for coffee and snatches of sleep whenever we can get them.

Now off to register the birth.

Watch out for the debut of Neo Neophytou for Liverpool FC in 2026.

6th March = World Book Day

2008-03-06T03:48:00.000-08:00

It is World Book Day today.

http://www.worldbookday.com/

Nicholas's nursery suggested that the children go in today dressed as a character from their favourite book.

Nicholas wanted to go in as Scooby-Doo, because he has the costume.

I mumbled something darkly about that not being a book character.

He then disappeared and produced a slim hardback called, "The Scooby Doo Annual 2008". Case closed.

Money talks, by Will Self

2008-02-23T03:39:00.000-08:00

Feeling like the protagonist of Kafka's fragment Before the Law, I cycled across town on a windy February evening to the Royal Courts of Justice.

I was here almost a year ago, called upon by a charity called War Child. Having been offered the opportunity to fundraise at a bond traders' dinner, they were desperate for a speaker and asked me to step into the breech. On that occasion things went reasonably well – if begging is ever OK.

I doffed my rhetorical cap, and the rich guys listened respectfully to my spiel, before tossing a 10p coin into it. In fact, they divvied up a couple of hundred grand, but proportionally – given there were trillions in the Great Hall – I was a Big Issue seller in a suit.

This year War Child came knocking again. I do believe in the work they're doing – helping kids in war zones, feeding them, clothing them, building them schools – it's just I'm not sure it's them that should be doing it.

Any good is better than no good, and so it was that I found myself, within the gates of the law, watching the black ties getting spattered with red wine.

The dinner was an opportunity for these nabobs of debt creation to give themselves glitzy awards with snappy names like Best Arranger of Project Finance Loans and Best Arranger of Turkish Loans.

Finally, it was my turn to approach the gatekeeper of the Law. I spoke for 20 minutes or so, giving a run-down on War Child's work, exhorting the assembled extremely wealthy people to divvy up for building toilets and schools in Iraq, and retraining traumatised child soldiers in the Congo, before ending up with a description of one case history: a 12-year-old Afghani girl raped by her uncle and then imprisoned for – you guessed it – adultery.

It was then that I began to hear a distinct susurration spreading through the Great Hall and lapping against the pretentious pillars: they were talking. And not just one or two of them, but entire tables chatting away while they slugged back the Rioja.

I stopped, and boomed at them: "I'm wondering what exactly it is that you're discussing that can possibly be more important than a child being raped?"

But it was a stupid question, because I knew already: it was money.

(Will Self: PsychoGeography, The Independent, Saturday, 23 February 2008. Picture by Ralph Steadman)

in fact...

2008-02-09T10:30:00.000-08:00

- 90% of the world's polio vaccinations are paid for by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.

- 90% of China's and Russia's billionaires are children of communist party officials.

- The first year in which there was no recorded lynching of a black American was 1952. (Boston Globe, 2nd December 2007)

- Only 13 per cent of Japanese homes have ever been resold, compared to 89 per cent in Britain and 78 per cent in the US. (The Economist, 3rd January 2008)

- One third of all houses in Ireland were built in the last decade.

- 2006 is the first year in which more French children were born out of wedlock than to married parents. (Reuters, 15th January 2007)

- The average British commute is one hour and five minutes. In 2003 it was 35 minutes. (The Guardian, 21st January 2008)

Shell defends embarrassment of riches

2008-02-01T05:23:00.001-08:00

Banks can breathe a sigh of relief; there is a new capitalist bogey to take their place in the stocks – the big bad oil companies.

You might have thought the new record of profitability (£14 billion) set yesterday for a UK-listed company by Shell would be something to celebrate.

Yet Tony Woodley, director general of Unite, the trade union, finds the profits "quite frankly obscene" and urges the Government to impose a windfall profit tax.

No doubt he'll be saying the same thing when Centrica and other energy utilities report their profits in a few weeks' time.

As it happens, the oil companies are already subject to a variety of windfall profit taxes. They are called excise duty, VAT and petroleum revenue tax and they account for the vast bulk of the price you pay at the pump.

Shell will also very probably pay a record amount of corporation tax this year, while the dividend – also at a record – will largely be paid not to the fat cats of popular myth but to pension funds and other long-term investors in which millions of ordinary people have an interest.

Many people don't approve of what oil companies do, yet these are not organisations that thrust their product on a reluctant world. It is the consumer that pollutes, not the oil companies themselves. Some of them, including Shell, are in fact at the forefront of best practice on the environment and emissions in terms of the way they operate.

Though Shell is a British company, the great bulk of its production and therefore profits comes from overseas. Even if the Government thought further taxation appropriate, it would find it quite difficult to impose, and, if it acted oppressively, Shell would merely up sticks and move back to Holland or somewhere else with a better appreciation of the company's need to make money. Last year, the company invested $24bn and plans to carry on at that pace into the indefinite future.

Oil is becoming ever more difficult and expensive to find and extract. By abandoning its usual practice of publishing reserves at the same time as the preliminary results, Shell seemed to confirm the suspicion that it is not replacing its reserves nearly as fast as it is expending them. It's not for lack of trying.

One thing that would ensure we are for ever to be at the mercy of the capricious and sometimes spiteful suppliers of Russia and the Middle East for our energy needs would be to start imposing windfall profit taxes on the likes of BP and Shell. Mr Woodley is no doubt a fine fellow, but he is being naive and financially illiterate in describing these profits as "obscene". Right now, Shell needs all the profits it can get.

Jeremy Warner, The Independent, 1 February 2008

10 music clips from YouTube

2008-01-26T08:25:00.000-08:00

Postcard from Dubai

2008-01-25T18:35:00.000-08:00

Spent 3 days in Dubai, to speak at a conference and hang around some seminars and meet clients. I worked in Kuwait in 2003, so know the region a little. Love the place. Arabs are very similar to Greeks in many ways.

And George W Bush strolls into town on my first day. So they declared a public holiday and closed the main roads. Of all the towns in all the world, on all the dates, he has to walk into mine.

Met my cousin Pani who is working here for a while, for dinner, along with a work buddy, Twiggsy, who has lived and worked here for 8 years.

b
The building development is at break-neck speed. All power to them. I reckon in 2050, Dubai will look like the set of blade runner.

London, capital of the world

2008-01-02T03:10:00.000-08:00

A new study has found that the British capital outstrips 60 global rivals as an economic and cultural powerhouse

London has topped the most exhaustive comparison ever compiled of the world's great cities in a finding that sees Britain's capital outstrip global rivals as a centre of economic performance and cultural significance.

Following months of research of population figures, financial markets, tourism trends, transport facilities and data relating to sports and arts events and transport, the study comes to a dramatic conclusion: London is the world's capital city.

Around the world, civic competition is reaching new heights as cities strive to provide the finest creative, culinary and tourist experiences. This is creating powerhouses such as Delhi and Beijing.

Closer to home, Dublin, Edinburgh, and Glasgow are proving themselves to be dynamic Celtic conurbations. Yet it is London that rises above all other cities.

With one of the world's most ebullient stock exchanges, a bustling and economically attractive City, the highest number of Unesco World Heritage Sites in any city, and a truly international restaurant scene that typifies its cultural make-up with more ethnic restaurants than any other metropolis, London scores highly across the board.

Paris came third, winning the title of Continental Europe's capital thanks to its financial clout and busy international airports.

London achieved particularly strong ratings for its much-maligned underground Tube network (the world's first), its cultural credentials and for hosting the Olympic Games twice in a century (1908 and 1948).

Laurent Feniou, 36, says, "You never really feel like a foreigner in central London. Whether it's food, clothes or people, the diversity is just amazing. I think it's a very safe city – I drive to work with my scooter, something I would never do in Paris. "

Other cities that make the top 10 are those urban sprawls that regularly appear on the all-time desirable destinations lists. New York is narrowly pipped to the post by London by just two points, but the Big Apple does beat all its competitors in terms of flights, market capitalisation of its stock exchanges and as the location for the highest number of headquarters for global corporations. Paris, which lags a full 10 points behind London, is three places above Madrid (6th) and six ahead of Rome (9th).

Chicago, Washington, Los Angeles and San Francisco all made it into the top 15. Other cities to perform well in the survey included Tokyo, but Asian centres such as Beijing, Hong Kong and Shanghai are closing in. Delhi and Mumbai both came in way ahead of Russia's former capital St Petersburg, the laidback bliss of Melbourne and even the balmy Mediterranean delights of Israel's capital Tel Aviv. Dublin came in at 30, four places ahead of Edinburgh, while Glasgow was at 42.

'Every nationality lives here. People from all walks of life are welcomed with open arms' Martha Lane Fox, Founder of lastminute.com

(By Simon Calder, Published: 22 December 2007, The Independent)

Aboriginal dancers shoot to fame with 'Zorba'

2007-12-30T16:51:00.000-08:00

A quirky dance routine to the music of Zorba the Greek has earned a group of young Aborigines worldwide fame on the internet as well as invitations to perform around Australia, and also to visit Greece.

The father of one member of the troupe, who live on remote Elcho Island off Australia's northern coast, posted a clip of their engaging and comical performance on YouTube two months ago. As of this week, it had been viewed nearly 500,000 times.

Half of the dozen dancers, aged between 12 and 23 for whom English is their second or third language, have never been further from home than Darwin; the other half had not even been to Darwin until recently.

Now the Chooky Dancers are preparing to travel to Melbourne in February for a televised talent competition, then on to a festival in Canberra. In March, they will tour Queensland.

Their act, which melds Aboriginal dance with music from the classic Sixties film, has reportedly won accolades from, among others, the legendary Zorba composer, Mikis Theodorakis.

The young men and boys from the Yolngu clan –who perform in bare feet, loincloths and ceremonial body paint -- have been invited to Greece, where the video clip has caused such a storm that one cafe owner on the island of Kastelorizo screened it in the village square.

The recording was made at a music festival in Ramingining in Arnhem Land, a traditional tribal area in the Northern Territory. Lionel Djirrimbilpiluwy, the 21-year-old troupe leader, who came up with the Zorba idea, said: "It's fantastic the world wants to see us dance. Who would think a white-fella audience would react like that? It's incredible."

Mr Djirrimbilpiluwy's father, Frank, a well-known singer who manages the Chooky Dancers, was responsible for bringing them to international attention.

"We still can't believe it," he told the Sydney Morning Herald. "I posted video of the dance on YouTube for a bit of fun, and it just took off."

He described the dancers' performance as "more up-tempo than the original Zorba the Greek". He said the troupe also promoted healthy living. "Perform, be active, no smoking, no grog, no ganja, drink plenty of water, keep fit."

The dancers hope they will be seen as role models on Elcho Island, which suffers from many of the social problems that blight Aboriginal communities.

They are now working on other cross-cultural dance and musical themes, including Spanish and Bollywood.

(Click here for the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-MucVWo-Pw)

(The Independent, by Kathy Marks in Sydney, Published: 29 December 2007).

Bad career advice

2007-12-24T10:17:00.001-08:00

Those career advisers in school had it all wrong.

Instead of the usual stuff they kept banging on about, like engineering, law, IT, accountancy, medicine, science, teaching, and what have you, they should have just said "Sell children's clothing, then you can retire at 40".

I recently went to buy a coat for Nicholas. Normal winter coat, £29, very nice. Surrounding this normal winter coat, were racks and racks of branded children's winter coats, by Levi's (£59), and Timberland (£79). I started swearing as I headed for the tills.

I got annoyed at this designer attack on children, and on parents. Hook them young, make them brand-heads, and they will consume, and not think, for life.

Choice, shmoice.

And don't get me started on Playboy branded stationery in WH Smith's. That one is worth a letter. (Which I have since written and sent, plus one complaint I posted on the corporate social responsibility page of their web site).

in fact...

2007-12-24T09:26:00.000-08:00

(Prospect magazine, Dec 07 / Jan 08)

- Half the people living near Heathrow support the opening of a third runway.

- Women spend nearly three years of their lives getting ready to leave the house. Men spend three months waiting for their wives or girlfriends while out shopping.

- Only 1 in every 400 stop and searches leads to an arrest in the UK.

- In 2005-06, the City of London police force made 6,800 stops without finding enough evidence for a single arrest.
b
- In 2500 BC, the Harrapian civilisation, in what is now Pakistan and northwest India, had flushing toilets in houses linked with drains.

- In Britain, the mean average weekly wage for foreign-born workers is £424, compared with £395 for native-born.

- In the 1992-93 season 71% of Premier League players (363) were English. In 2005-06, the figure was 38% (191).

- In 2006, out of 31 million commercial flights worldwide, there were just 77 crashes. The lowest ever recorded. Only 20 of these involved fatalities.

What a relief

2007-12-09T04:39:00.000-08:00

Dominant Mayweather stops Hatton

I am so glad that Hatton lost. It is like the beautiful moment when Tim Henman goes out of Wimbledon.

It means people that know nothing about sport can, at long last, shut the f*** up.

Now people can stop talking about boxing, as if it mattered. And also people will probably remember Floyd Mayweather's name. Mayweather. Not Merryweather, like I heard 3 times last week.

Tedious.

Audi driving school, at Silverstone

2007-11-10T07:09:00.000-08:00

My siblings bought me a great birthday present this year.

A day on the "Audi Driving Experience" at Silverstone. I went last Monday, and it was great fun. Had loads of aches and pains the next day.

We paired up, and got to drive an RS4, an S5 and a TT. (There were 5 of each car). There were 24 participants and 3 instructors. One of the instructors was from Sweden, Oscar Svedlund, who is a racing driver and recently won the Swedish rally for Audi.

These were the sessions: -

1 - TT - Timed slalom through cones. About 6 practices, then a timed lap.

2 - S5 - Oversteer. Full throttle, then 360 left turn once you reach a corner, then bring it under control.

3 - RS4 - Cornering on the Stowe circuit.

4 - RS4 - Fast lane change - full throttle then turn to avoid cones, and bring under control.

5 - S5 - Breaking with ABS breaks. Full speed then full brakes once reach cones. and steer to a safe stop.

6 - TT - Racing over the Stowe circuit. No overtaking allowed, but full pelt.

The circuit at full speed was the best session.

We went home with a group photo and a certificate, and an appetite for more. Audi also do ice driving in Finland, and more advanced courses in Germany.

Homer's Song

2007-10-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

In 1990, the Colombian Ministry of Culture set up a system of roaming libraries to take books to the inhabitants of distant rural regions, in the jungle and the sierra. Here the books were left for several weeks in the hands of a teacher or village elder who became, in effect, the librarian in charge.

Most of the books were technical works, agricultural handbooks, collections of sewing patters and the like, but a few literary works were also included. According to one librarian, the books were always safely accounted for.

"I know of a single instance in which a book was not returned," she said. "We had taken, along with the usual practical titles, a Spanish translation of the Iliad. When the time came to exchange the book, the villages refused to give it back. We decided to make them a present of it, but asked them why they wished to keep that particular title. They explained that Homer's story reflected their own: it told of a war-torn country in which mad gods mix with men and women who never know exactly what the fighting is about, or when they will be happy, or why they will be killed. "

- Alberto Manguel, "Homer's The Iliad and The Odyssey, A Biography"

Some jokes shared in The Independent

2007-10-13T11:22:00.000-07:00

Bob Geldof, pop star

Paddy goes for a job on a building site, and the foreman asks: "What's the difference between a joist and a girder?" "That one's easy," says Paddy: "Joyce wrote Ulysses and Goethe wrote Faust."

What power did they have in the Congo before candles? Electricity.

Angus Fraser, cricket writer

There's an Irish contestant on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? He doesn't know the answer. Chris Tarrant says: "Don't forget you've got 50/50, ask the audience and phone a friend." The Irishman says: "I'll phone a friend, please Chris." He gets on the phone and says: "Hi Seamus, I just want to ask you, do you think I should do 50/50 or ask the audience?"

Greg Dyke, broadcaster

Neil Armstrong lands on the Moon and says the words: "Over to you, Gretsky."

Everyone's confused and asks him what does he mean but he refuses to reveal it.
However, he's at a 20-year reunion for the Moon landing and he's asked once again: "Why did you say, 'Over to you, Gretsky'?"

"Well," he says, "when I was younger I used to live beside an old couple called the Gretskys. They always argued, and his wife said to him: "The only time you'll get oral sex is when man walks on the Moon."

David Aaronovitch, journalist

Two middle aged Jewish ladies walking down the street. One says: "You know, I'm having an affair. "

And the other responds: "Really? Who's doing the catering?"

Sir James Galway, musician

The Pope comes in one day and says to his cardinals: "It seems the Jews have challenged us to golf." The cardinals protest that they're no good at golf, and say: "Why don't we ask Jack Nicklaus to become an honorary cardinal, then he can play for the Vatican?" So Jack Nicklaus goes out and plays the game, and comes back with his head in his hands. "What's wrong?" the Pope asked. "Well, it was OK at the start," said Nicklaus. "But did you ever hear of Rabbi Tiger Woods?"

Deborah Ross, journalist

A mother buys her son two ties for his birthday. Next time she sees him he's wearing one of them, so she says to him "What, didn't you like the other one?"

Stephen Fry, author

Definition of countryside: The murder of Piers Morgan.

"in fact" column - extracts from October's Prospect magazine

2007-10-07T03:04:00.000-07:00

The 7th July London bombings accounted for 7 per cent of all homicides in England and Wales in 2005/6. (Home Office)

Transport for London employs 232 people on more than £100,000 a year. The home office employs 43; the treasury seven. (Boris Johnson)

The Finns spend more on ice cream than any other European nation, averaging $110 a head in 2005— just beating the Italians. Britons spend less than half that figure. (Euromonitor)

53 per cent of births in London are to immigrant mothers. In Kensington and Chelsea the figure is 68 per cent. (Newsweek, 6th August 2007)

British families spend as much time eating together today as they did in the 1970s. (Economic and Social Research Council)

In 2002, Bangladesh became the first country to ban plastic bags. (The Guardian, 12th May 2007)

In 2006, 177 British men had cosmetic surgery to reduce their breast size. (Harper's, May 2007)

About 25 per cent of American workers in the private sector get no paid holiday at all. (New Republic, 30th July 2007)

Windscreen wipers, laser printers and bulletproof vests were all invented by women. (British association for the advancement of science)

About 80 per cent of all news on the internet originates from print newspapers. (New York Review of Books, 16th August 2007)

Four of the five richest Americans are college dropouts. Bill Gates, casino owner Sheldon Adelson, Oracle's Larry Ellison, and Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen. ( All the money in the world: how the Forbes 400 make—and spend—their fortunes, by Peter W Bernstein and Annalynw Swan)

"in fact" column - extracts from September's Prospect magazine

2007-09-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

In 1935, 7% of Germans were members of the Nazi Party. Among teachers the figure was 30%.

In 2006, 33% of return flights from Britain were made by 4% of the population. 50% of the UK population took no flights at all.

Spammers usually need to send 1 million e-mails to get 15 positive responses.

Mathematics and Computer science have the highest university drop-out rate, with 10% of undergraduates not continuing into a second year of study. Medicine and dentistry have the highest retention rate (98%).

It costs 12p to send a 160-character text message. Per byte, this is 12 times what NASA pays to retrieve data from the Hubble Space Telescope.

The best value stars in Hollywood are Matt Damon and Jennifer Aniston. For every dollar they were paid for their last 3 films, they returned $29 and $17 of gross income respectively.

On holiday for a couple of weeks

2007-08-29T16:11:00.000-07:00

So I have just received some light summer reading from Amazon: -

"The Three Musketeers. Preface. In which it is established that, despite their names ending in -OS and -IS, the heroes of the story we shall have the honour of telling our readers are in no way mythological".

"1. If you're walking upstairs with a woman, walk behind her (in case she falls).

2. Walk in front of her when walking down, for the same reason.

3. Regular door: she goes first. Revolving door: you do. "

"It was Hitler's boast that the Third Reich would last a thousand years. Instead it lasted only twelve. But into its short life was packed the most cataclysmic series of events that Western civilisation has ever known."

Oxford Dictionary of Modern Quotations

2007-08-27T03:25:00.000-07:00

Some new quotes on contemporary life from the latest edition: -

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams, British writer

If you want to lose weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket. - Billy Connolly Scottish comedian

I am past writing angst songs for kids. My angst is when I can't get my Porsche roof up and when I can't get my golf handicap down. - Alice Cooper American singer

I support gay marriage because I believe they have a right to be just as miserable as the rest of us. - Kinky Friedman American singer and writer

The email of the species is deadlier than the mail. - Stephen Fry British actor

At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. - Ann Landers US advice columnist

Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and, at the end, the Germans win. - Gary Lineker English footballer

A bikini is not a bikini unless it can be pulled through a wedding ring. - Louis Reard French designer

I shall tell you what made us what we were. We had this wonderful feeling that we were still part of the people. - Alan Ball English footballer and member of the 1966 World Cup team

I play all my country and western music backwards. Your lover returns, your dog comes back to life and you cease to be an alcoholic. - Linda Smith British comedian

Postcard from Abu Dhabi

2007-08-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

Pictures of the Zayed mosque, airport, skyline, and Etihad Airways interior.

Salaam Aleikum. I am in the capital of the Emirates to work with the National Oil Company.

The mosque above is under construction. When it is finished it will have a capacity of 45,000.

About the same size as Anfield, or the City of Manchester stadium, or Villa Park.

France: Where the government does your laundry

2007-07-29T16:32:00.000-07:00

Weekend in Houston. Rest. Shopping. Food. Bookstores. Starbucks. Movie. bb
b
I went to Houston's theatre district and saw Sicko, by Michael Moore.
b
I liked Bowling for Columbine - good story, but I hated Fahrenheit 9/11 - propaganda.
b
I went to Sicko with an expectation that I'd hate it too. But I loved it.
b
After all the terrible stories of Americans unable to get healthcare, Moore visits Canada, England, France and Cuba to see how their healthcare systems work.

I lost it several times during Sicko. Some very moving scenes.
b
The French scenes are hilarious - with subsidised day care, and home help from the government.
b
He talks to an English doctor on £80k p.a., a cool car and a plush pad. And can't believe he works for the government. This doctor is incentivised to get people better (quit smoking etc.), whereas his US counterparts at managed healthcare companies, are incentivised on how much money they save by denying treatment.
b
He even interviews Tony Benn, who does what he does best - speaking clearly, sensibly and movingly.
b
The Cuban scenes are amazing. He takes three of his sick Americans to Cuba (9/11 volunteers who developed respiratory problems from the debris), and they get treated for free. Drugs that cost $120 in the US, are around 5 cents.

The local fire department invites them in for a chat, which is a very moving scene.

So Moore takes artistic license. So he spins. So what?

The audience roared with laughter a few times. Biggest laugh was when Moore stands by the Cashier's office at an NHS hospital expecting people to come and pay for medicines or treatment. b

Instead, he finds the cashier paying out money for travel expenses to people with limited means.
B
I felt a surge of pride at the scenes in London. Of course it isn't as rose-tinted as portrayed, but compared with America, we are blessed.

Great, great film. I might go again.

Tommy goes to confession

2007-07-28T15:59:00.000-07:00

"These are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others" - Groucho Marx

(1)

Tommy goes to confession and tells the priest, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman".

"Is that you, Tommy?" says the priest.

"Er, um, yes, it is, Father"

"Who is it you were with, Tommy?"

"I'd rather not say, Father"

"Was it Bridget?

"No, Father"

"Was it Colleen?"

"No, Father"

"Was it Megan?"

"No, Father"

"Well, Tommy, say four Our Fathers and four Hail Marys."

When Tommy gets outside, his friend Pat asks him how it went.

"Great," says Tommy. "I got four Our Fathers, four Hail Marys, and three great leads!"

(2)

A New York boy is being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin.

"Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?" asks the city boy.

His cousin replies, "Depends on how fast you carry the flashlight".

(3)

A man goes into the confession booth and tells the priest, "Father, I'm seventy-five years old and last night I made love to two twenty-year-old girls - at the same time"

The priest says, "When did you last go to confession?"

The man says, "I've never been to confession, Father, I'm Jewish"

The priest says, "Then why are you telling me?"

The man says, "I'm telling you, I'm telling everybody".

(4)

Three engineers are discussing design.

The first says, "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at all the joints"

The second says, "I think God must be an electrical engineer. The nervous system has thousands of electrical connections."

The third says, "Actually, God is a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

(5)

Abe and his friend Sol are out for a walk. They pass a church with a sign that reads, "$1,000 to Anyone Who Converts"

Sol decides to go inside and see what it's all about.

Abe waits outside. Hours go by. Finally, Sol emerges.

"So?" says Abe. "What happened?"

"I converted," says Sol.

"No kidding"" says Abe. "So did you get the thousand bucks?"

Sol says, "Is that all you people think about?"

Liverpool unveil new stadium plan

2007-07-25T03:36:00.000-07:00

"We are Liverpool Football Club. We expect the best and this will be the best." - Steven Gerrard
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"It's futuristic, imaginative and very exciting. People who see it will think Liverpool. It may well be that the site of the existing pitch will be preserved, the Shankly gates and the Hillsborough memorial.

We've also recognised the central importance of the Kop. It will have a significantly increased capacity of 18,000 seats in a single tier structure that will be the heartbeat of the new stadium. The rake of the stand will be steeper and the seats tighter together, with the acoustics of the roof designed to accentuate the atmosphere during games." - Rick Parry
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"Fantastic. There are a lot of windows and it really is ground-breaking in terms of stadium design." - Rafa Benitez

What did I just say?

2007-07-08T04:01:00.000-07:00

Researchers in the US have found that women use an average of 16,215 words a day, compared with 15,669 for men, a difference of 546.

There are 46 words that women use and men don't: -

Book club: A female dominated affair, perhaps because women read more fiction, or perhaps because men aren't very good at talking about it

Accessorise: If men were ever to use this word it would only be in the context of cars

Body image

Empowering: Men never use this word, perhaps because for the 200,000 years humans have been on the planet, men have had all the power

Burlesque: Something involving strip-tease that can apparently involve the above

Size zero

Home birth

Pilates: Men in the UK, particularly, seem to have no interest in building up their core strength

Pomegranate: Men seem ill-equipped to understand the significance and full range of superfoods

Cellulite

Absolutely beautiful: The words women often use to describe friends who are not

Conventionally attractive: Preceded by "well I suppose she is...", a phrase women often use to describe those who actually are

Jesse Metcalfe: A walking Athena poster, see above

Footless tights: Strange idea, strangely popular

Breastfeeding

Emotional intelligence: Something that men usually do not possess, instead preferring the kind of intelligence that involves dates of battles

Kitten heels: Or indeed heels of any other kind

What are you thinking?: The classic female condition check

Feminism: If even veteran feminists can't agree on what this means then it's probably best avoided by men

Afghanistan: A place where the debate is rather starker

Agony aunt: When men seek answers to life-changing problems in magazines, it tends to be under the headline "plasma or LCD?"

Airbrushing: The process by which magazine picture editors oppress women in an underhand way

Flexible working

Handbagging: As in new Commons leader Harriet Harman's request to Theresa May not to savage her every Thursday

Beefeater: The first female one made her debut this year

Babies

Superwoman

Ms: Extraordinarily, the battle continues for women to be allowed to avoid definition by their marital status

Middleton: As in Kate. Style icon or harassed paparazzo target?

Concealer

Why: As in "why do you never call?"

(This article was copied and pasted from the bbc web site)

Olympic village on track

2007-06-16T15:21:00.000-07:00

"The sportive, knightly battle awakens the best human characteristics. It doesn't separate, but unites the combatants in understanding and respect. It also helps to connect the countries in the spirit of peace. That's why the Olympic Flame should never die.”

(- Guess who said that?)

The International Olympic Committee inspectors yesterday awarded London 2012 organisers top marks for their preparations - and for their logo as well.

Denis Oswald, the IOC's co-ordination commission chairman, delivered a report at the end of a three-day visit which could hardly have been more glowing.

He told a news conference: "The IOC have been very impressed with what we have seen this week. There is an excellent team in place who work together with real spirit.

"Operationally and financially they are on track. We don't have any specific area of concern and compared to other organising committees, London is on time and on track. We consider London will be a model for future host cities," he said after three days of presentations and tours.

Oswald continued: "We have no reason to doubt the legacy will be a success because the two things are linked. We need regeneration to make the Olympic Park, and to have the sporting success we need the Olympic Park. If it's a sporting success, it will automatically leave a legacy. The vision outlined in Singapore is still there."

Oswald also gave his full backing for the logo unveiled by the London organising committee last week to a storm of criticism. Prime Minister Tony Blair added to the debate yesterday saying it was either "brilliant or awful - but which it is, I'm hopeless at telling these things."

Oswald said: "I love it. It's very simple, we had a presentation about two months ago before it became public. When I came back I phoned the IOC president to report and the first thing I told him is they have a fantastic logo, very young, very dynamic with flexibility about how it can be used.

"It reflects what London wants to do with the Games in 2012."

(The quote at the top? That was, the, er, German Chancellor, in 1936, Adolf Hitler).

Mindless sheep

2007-06-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this logo. It is bold, clear, has great colours, and the client who commissioned it likes it. End of.

Every moron Daily Mail newspaper reader with half an opinion all of a sudden feels they could do a better job. No one cares.

The promotional film that has induced epilepsy should of course be canned, but I do not agree that the logo should be scrapped.

The fees paid to the branding agency are frankly, peanuts.

Everyone is talking about the Olympics and the publicity generated could not have been bought for that money.

Lord Coe reckons it is 5 years ahead of its time. In other words, perfect for 2012.

Ken Livingstone's comments are more likely to lead to a surge of clients going to Wolf Olins, the branding firm, rather than avoiding them.

If you are a Telegraph or Evening Standard reader then this is all good sport - rubishing anyone creative, and jumping on the bandwagon in a lager-at-lunchtime, philistine kind of way.

This is another example of popular delusions and the madness of crowds.

About 5 years ago, the same firm designed the branding for the firm where I was working. We were the PricewaterhouseCoopers Consulting division, and we were about to break away from the PwC accounting firm. Wolf Olins came up with the name MONDAY, and the branding story behind it. I was about the only person who liked it. It was clear, bold, original, colourful and memorable. It added a few million to our value. IBM stepped in and acquired us for $3.5 billion to create IBM Global Business Services.

I also loved the British Airways colourful tail-fins. They were beautiful, and to me they celebrated the global village, but no-one seemed to agree.

Maybe I am just too contrarian. But I prefer to quote my old mate Gandhi who used to say: "Even when you are in a minority of one, the truth is the truth".

I'll show you the life of the mind

2007-06-02T15:16:00.000-07:00

I read J D Salinger's story "For Esmé - with Love and Squalor" for the first time last week on my way home from work. At one point I felt a tear in my eye, when Esmé tells us her name, and you realise the story is written for her.

Then a few lines later I was laughing out loud.

What a story. It is great when you come across something as wonderful as this, and you want to shout from the rooftops.

Catcher in the Rye is in my top 5 all time books, but I had never read anything else by Salinger until last week.

"Esmé" is a masterpiece. A quite unbelievably brilliant and moving short story. Probably the best I have ever read.

It concerns an American soldier in WWII who meets a young orphan called Esmé and her brother Charles, and this, you figure out, is the story he writes for her as a wedding gift, a few years later.

Salinger has a singular and distinctive voice. His themes of childhood innocence, bright young things, and cynical and slightly fragile young men and women, just hit the spot with me, and he has inspired generations of readers since the 1950's.

I dispute the theory that it is only adolescents and moody teenagers who crave Salinger. I did not read Catcher until my late twenties, and now Esmé ten years after that.

Esmé is such a powerful and warm story. It was published in 1950.

It was so good, I re-read it the next day. And the next. And then I went an bought "Franny and Zooey", another Salinger book. Franny is a sublimely written story too.

(Looking back, I think the recent catalyst for this reading was my cousin Maria, whom I met for dinner in Madrid last week. She was shouting from the rooftops about Esmé years and years ago. Well ahead of the game, is our Pip).

Humps and lumps, at Chelsea, 25th May 2007

2007-06-02T14:22:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, I played for an IBM football team in a Right-to-Play tournament at Stamford Bridge. We represented Ethiopia.

We won the cup.

(Pictures above show our team with the Ethiopian flag, then as the winners with the Chelsea cheerleaders, and me and my spare tyre racing away from the opposition).

There were 16 teams in 4 groups. The winners of the groups played a semi final, and then those winners played in the "world cup final".

Other teams were from Reuters, Vodafone, Xerox, HP, American Express, etc.

We won our group with: P 6, W 4, D 1, L1, Points 13. Group games were played across the width of the pitch, 7-a-side for 12 minutes straight.

The semis and the final were played 11 a side on the full length pitch. That killed me, even though it was only 8 minutes each half. I could hardly move the next day, but I can retire now and say that I have won the world cup.

(For IBM readers, there is article on w3: http://w3.ibm.com/news/w3news/top_stories/2007/05/uknews_IBMwincharityworldcup.html)

About Right To Play

Right To Play uses specially-designed sport and play programmes to improve health, build life skills, and foster peace for children and communities affected by war, poverty, disease. Working in both the humanitarian and development contexts, Right To Play has projects in more than 20 countries in Africa, Asia and the Middle East.

Right To Play is the only global-scale implementer of Sport for Development and Peace programmes and takes an active role in driving research and policy development in this area and in supporting children’s rights.

http://www.righttoplay.com

Conferencia Española

2007-05-23T16:54:00.000-07:00

I have been in Madrid for an IBM EMEA /Asia Pacific conference.

Arrived on Sunday evening, I order "Baguette of omelette" on room service, and crash in front of the TV to watch Barcelona beat Athletico Madrid 6-0. Samuel Eto'o was amazing. We need to buy him.

I presented on Monday morning, and spent the rest of the day fighting boredom. Had to go and get some kip in the afternoon after the presentation on Services Oriented Architecture made me lose the will to live.
b

I met my cousin Maria for dinner. She lives and works in Madrid, teaching English to rich kids.

We walked around central Madrid and found a spot to eat. It was great to see her and catch up.

We ate ostrich, linguine, and croquettes of cheesy spuds and ham.

She is fluent in Spanish, Greek and English, and has lived in Madrid for a few years now. Then a cab takes us through the central sights, drops Maria off at her pad, and I am off to my Auditorium hotel - apparently the largest in Europe.

Back at the conference I catch up with German colleagues, and we talk about football and they tell me that Stuttgart won the Bundesliga this year. "Great", I say, "at least 3 English teams again in the Champions League semi-final next year".

We talk politics with the Yanks (Giulliani over Barack over Hillary).
b

Then I fly home on Wednesday, and in the taxi home, I get a call from my South African buddy Robin. "I am in Madrid", he says.

"What?"

"I am in Madrid".

"I have just left Madrid".

Both: "Fuck".

We both arrived on Sunday, and missed the chance to hook up. He did mention it in his blog, which I read each week, but it must have slipped my mind. (http://www.robingolding.com/).

Watch the Champions League Final and am proud of my team. They played well. I refuse to go into a rant about crooked, corrupt, criminal, sleazy Italian football, but I do get slightly annoyed when the creepy and slimey Silvio Berlusconi hogs the limelight next to FIFA president Platini. Oh yes, and Rafa needs to rid himself of his Harry Kewell obsession.

I prefer to say, "We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time", to quote Vince Lombardi, American football coach of the Green Bay Packers and Washington Redskins.

Quote of the week in Madrid, yank to a Spanish girl: "Would you like to see my tattoo? It says IBM. Well, sometimes it says IBM. And other times it says International Business Machines".

Winners and losers

2007-05-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

"It means we have won every title in English football in the three years I have been at the club." - Jose Mourinho

I watched the FA Cup Final with my uncle Chris in the Five Bells pub in East Finchley, and I was one of maybe 5 people who cheered that great move and Drogba goal. (The only consolation for Man Utd fans is their mistaken belief that fouling the goalie is an acceptable way of barging the ball over the line. They have other consolations too this season, like the best player and the best scoring record, and the Premiership).

The pub was full of idiotic Arsenal fans, who sang tedious songs about Ashley Cole that had nothing to do with football.

I was rooting for Jose because I like him a lot. He has raised the bar in English football just that little bit higher. Along with Ferguson, Wenger and Benitez, he has made the Premiership unquestionably the best league in the world. And he says what he thinks.

I think he gets bad press because, like Blair, he is a winner, and the English are just jealous of winners. Actually, it is not jealousy. It is misunderstanding. Two consecutive Premierships for a run-of-the-mill club with no history is an incredible achievement in his first two seasons in England.

In England to win is somehow shoddy. Mediocrity is the normal expectation - just look at the highest English achievers and the English national teams in every single sport - football, cricket, tennis.

Tim Henman was a hero, because he is a zero. I dread the banal, dry, clue-less support that Andy Murray will get from banal, dry and clue-less people each July on Murray Mound, as he inches like a slug into his years of dreary underachievement, dashed hopes and false expectations.

My eyes roll skywards, and I look for my next Meditteranean hero or heroine to cheer on.

Art, not politics

2007-05-19T16:23:00.000-07:00

In an interview in German newspaper "Welt am Sonntag", Bryan Ferry said: "My God, the Nazis knew how to put themselves in the limelight and present themselves. Leni Riefenstahl's movies and Albert Speer's buildings and the mass parades and the flags - just amazing. Really beautiful."

Ferry apologised for the offence caused by these comments, reinforcing that they "were made solely from an art history perspective" and stating that he finds "the Nazi regime, and all it stood for, evil and abhorrent". He also said that he was very upset over this incident.

Since we won't be seeing any more of the Ferry Marks & Spencer ads, perhaps he might consider modelling for Hugo Boss. The founder, Herr Hugo Boss, designed the uniforms for the SS.

Tony Blair

2007-05-10T18:38:00.000-07:00

Most political careers end in defeat or tears, or both.

Tony Blair is the first Prime Minister in history to choose his own date for departing office, on his terms.

Three times an election winner, he has faced and trounced 5 ("five"), that is 5, Conservative leaders who I struggle to remember - John Major, William Hague, Iain Duncan Smith, David Cameron, and....the other one. (Michael "something of the night about him" Howard). And he has led shoulder to shoulder with 2 American presidents.

He has infuriated his critics on the right, who hate losing so frequently, and those on the left, who either wish the world hadn't changed, or live in some strange place called planet Chomsky, or planet Pinter, or Hampstead.

The point about Blair is to see him clearly where he stands, at the centre of things, as a restless reformer and dazzling communicator.

What are his achievements after 10 years as Prime Minister of "the greatest nation on earth"?

He created the minimum wage in the UK.

For those unable to find work, job creation has never ceased - for anyone in Britain willing to roll up their sleeves, and for Eastern Europeans who make no conditions.

We have stopped worrying about the economy. Stability is a given. Gordon Brown will claim credit for this, but Chancellors are not Prime Ministers - they have power, but not ultimate responsibility.

Blair promised spending on "education, education, education". It has risen by 4% every year since he took office.

He has relentlessly brought spending on healthcare to a level we can defend - a European average of 8.25% of GDP.

He has pioneered credits for lower income families. He has helped millions of women back into the job market, and given fathers the chance of spending early months with their children. Does this one sound familiar? It is the song that David Cameron now sings.

He has helped create peace and governance in Northern Ireland

He has helped create only the second democracy in the Middle East, ever. After Israel. You may scoff at this one. But, in history, no two democracies have ever gone to war with each other. It is not his fault that Iraq is, was, and ever will be, tribal. The Balkans of the Middle East. The fact is that this was hidden from view and suppressed by Saddam Hussein, much like Stalin or Lenin in Russia suppressed, well, pretty much everything. Freedom is not free, and the harsh currency is blood.

Who would have thought that a Kurd, Jalal Talabani, whose people were suppressed in 1991 and fled to the mountains to die in the cold, would stand today as President of Iraq? Blair thought so. A brief sweet moment in a bitter period, was Saddam going to his grave knowing that Iraq has a Kurdish president. Harold Pinter may wish to pause and reflect on that one, and say thank you to Tony Blair for bringing the Mountain Language into the seat of government, no longer forbidden.

He helped win the Olympic games for London, which I believe will leave a 30 year regeneration legacy for East London. I really believe that. I have put my name down as a volunteer for the Games.

He was a driving force behind the Commission for Africa.

What will we think of Tony Blair in a few years? Much what America now thinks of Bill Clinton - those were the days my friend, those were the days, and that was a master politician.

And as for being George Bush's poodle. That is just laughable. He was George Bush's guide dog.

My family and cousins will ask me, "But what has he done for Cyprus?" I'll say, "Good catch, I'll give you that one. But what have we done?"

Open letter to Rafa

2007-05-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Rafa,

Go see and see Mr George Gillett and Mr Tom Hicks and please pick 2 out of the following 3: -

- Dimitar Berbatov, go up to £20m
- Carlos Tevez, go up to £15m
- Samuel Eto'o, go up to £25m

Don't go anywhere near Michael Owen or Owen Hargreaves, because.....I'm not sure why not.

And don't go anywhere near Arjen Robben, because he is a complete #*&%.

By the way, Javier Mascherano - fucking good purchase, he is fucking brilliant.

Good luck in Athens.

Oh yes, and I loved your buddha style seated position on the pitch during the penalties against Chelsea in the Champions League semi-final. That is the most original thing I have seen a manager do on a football pitch since David Pleat did his cream suit and cream shoes and Luton staying up in 1983 dance.

Thanks,

Lord Iacobovits of Colindale

It's better on TV, and I am 60 seconds from my bed when it's over

2007-05-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

I am keen to go to the Champions League Final.

I am willing to pay over the odds.

But I am not going on the off chance that some dodgy Greek or Albanian tout will sell me a ticket or two.

But, e-bay is such a bunch of arse. There is no way of knowing if the goods are genuine.

Here is what they have at the moment - anywhere between £75 and £850 per ticket: -

Uefa Champions League Final Tickets 5/23/07 (Athens) , US $1,525.00, United States

2-Tickets-Uefa-Champions-League-Final-CAT-1, US $305.00, United States
2 Tickets UEFA Final Champions League Cat.1 , US $3,000.00, United States
Uefa Champions League Final Athens 1 Ticket , US $1,700.00, Greece
2 Uefa Champions League Athens Final tickets Cat 3 , US $1,200.00, Greece
2-Tickets for the UEFA Champions League Final (Athens) , US $1,725.00, United States

I am a Chavista

2007-05-03T23:47:00.000-07:00

Every Friday morning The Economist drops through my letter box. It seems every single edition I have ever read has an article on Hugo Chavez, the president of Venezuela. They are completely obsessed with him.

Now they'll have even more to write about because Chavez has pulled his country out of the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank.

"We will no longer have to go to Washington, nor to the IMF, nor to the World Bank, not to anyone," said Mr Chavez. "I want to formalise our exit from the World Bank and the IMF."

Despite Venezuela's close trading relationship with the US over oil - it is the fourth largest supplier of crude in the United States - Mr Chavez has been critical of US interference in Latin America.

Venezuela recently repaid its remaining debts to the World Bank five years ahead of schedule and paid off its debts to the IMF shortly after Mr Chavez first took office in 1999.

Chavez has also invested millions of dollars on social programmes inside Venezuela that have reduced poverty and increased access to education and healthcare.

Mark Weisbrot, director of the Washington-based Centre for Economic Policy Research, said "The IMF is not really an independent actor. I don't think there's anyone in this town who would tell you with a straight face that it is not controlled by the US Treasury".

Barack O'Bama?

2007-05-03T23:19:00.000-07:00

To be sure, Barack Obama's roots are diverse, so they are.

The Illinois senator and presidential hopeful was born in Hawaii to a white American mother and Kenyan father and spent his childhood in Indonesia.

Canon Stephen Neill, rector of Moneygall in central Ireland, says that according to parish records, Obama's great-great-great grandfather, Falmouth Kearney, was among the 1m people who sailed to America in the mid 1800's.

Obama can now claim Irish descent - like Clinton, Kennedy and Reagan did - and it puts him in the company of 30m Irish-American voters. So it does.

Body art

2007-05-03T00:18:00.000-07:00

There are some magnificent body scultures appearing on top of buildings in London at the moment. These are by the artist Antony Gormley, who is famous for the Angel of the North sculpture, on the A1 road in Tyneside.

Walking to work this morning I saw half a dozen of these perched on top of buildings. The ones I saw were one on top of the National Film Theatre, Kings College London, the National Theatre, Shell Centre, the Hayward Gallery, and I was pleased to see one atop the IBM South Bank building too.

It looks like some aliens have landed, and are observing London's worker ants scurrying to work. There was one outside the Royal Festival Hall who has come down to street level for a closer look.

Liverpool 1 - Chelsea 0

2007-05-02T01:10:00.000-07:00

after extra time; aggregate 1-1, Liverpool win 4-1 on penalties.

Not a single cloud in the sky this morning. The Special One is not so special today.

Couple of text messages I received this morning:-

"Like a kid at school, I slept in my Liverpool shirt last night".

"Feels like Good Friday in Wagner's Parsifal when tears of penitents become the dew that glazes the meadows and all creation celebrates the triumph of Good over Evil".

I have 2 versions on "You'll Never Walk Alone" on my i-pod shuffle - one by Frank Sinatra and one by the Three Tenors. These got extra plays on the tube journey today.

Reflections on the English class system

2007-04-27T18:54:00.000-07:00

There are only 2 things that you need to know about the English class system.

1). The working class are willing to take to the streets and demonstrate against paedophiles and the closure of libraries. Whereas the middle class are willing to take to the streets and demonstrate in favour of Saddam Hussein, Hezbollah and legalising cannabis.

2). The working class and the upper class have many things in common, for example bad teeth and a love of dogs.

A13 trunk road to the sea

2007-04-27T18:30:00.000-07:00

BILLY BRAGG thought that if Americans could sing about "Route 66", then he could do the same about the A13 road out of London.

It is a great song. Now it has been recognised as such by the Victoria & Albert museum, who have a recording and the lyrics on their online adult education series under "Contemporary writing on Essex". (Listen to it on the link below)

A13 trunk road to the sea - Billy Bragg
Duration: 2 mins 30 secs

If you ever have to go to Shoeburyness
Take the A road, the okay road that's the best
Go motorin' on the A13
If you're looking for a thrill that's new
Take in Fords, Dartford Tunnel and the river too
Go motorin' on the A13

It starts down in Wapping
There ain't no stopping
By-pass Barking and straight through Dagenham
Down to Grays Thurrock
And rather near Basildon
Pitsea, Thundersley, Hadleigh, Leigh-On-Sea,
Chalkwell, Prittlewell, Southend's the end

If you ever have to go to Shoeburyness
Take the A road, the okay road that's the best
Go motorin' on the A13

Words: Billy Bragg
Music: Bobby Troup

écoutez ici:-
http://www.vam.ac.uk/activ_events/adult_resources/memory_maps/contemp_writing/bragg/listen/index.html

Snoop Dogg

2007-04-27T05:38:00.000-07:00

I read in my Independent this morning that American rapper Snoop Dogg was refused entry to Australia, where he was due to host the MTV Video Music Awards.

The immigration minister Kevin Andrews said "He doesn't seem like the sort of bloke we want in this country".

Mr Andrews said the musician had failed to pass the country's "character test", which takes into account criminal convictions.

I mean.......

How many criminal convictions do you need to get into Australia?

Food matters

2007-04-23T02:40:00.000-07:00

Every Monday, I get a great e-mail. And I try and find time to read every line.

It is from BP Cape Town announcing what is on the menu in the canteen that coming week. I am still on the distribution list, as my BP e-mail account was created in South Africa in 2003.

Send a Greek boy a list of food choices, and he will read it, wherever he is in the world.

Reminds me of a character in the novel "Freedom and Death", by Nikos Kazantzakis, who used to write down everything he ate, so that he could read the list later and salivate.

It also reminds me of the French surrealist writer Georges Perec (pictured above), who wrote down everything he ate and drank in 1974. This was published in the literary magazine Granta.

I followed both these great examples and I did the same thing in May 2003. I wrote down everything I ate and drank on one of my visits to Cape Town.

My list is available in "Howzit? - A Cape Town Journal" by James Neophytou. (Currently unpublished, and the subject of a fierce bidding war between 11 major publishing houses).

Here is this week's menu. (GBP £1 = 14 South African Rand)

From: Internal Communication Africa

Sent: Sun 22/04/2007 18:45
Subject: BP Waterfront: Weekly menu

MENU

MONDAY
Chicken stir fry served with noodles & salad
or
Meatballs served with mashed potatoes, veg & tomato “smoor”
or
Roast chicken, chips & salad
R16.50

TUESDAY
Moroccan Chicken served with coriander couscous & sweet potato
or
Spinach & feta Cannelloni (pasta) served with a Greek salad & ciabatta bread
or
Roast chicken, chips & salad
R16.50

WEDNESDAY
Beef & onion pie served with savoury rice & pumpkin
or
Vegetable curry served with brown rice & pappadums
or
Roast chicken, chips & salad
R16.50

THURSDAY
Chicken Lasagne served with crusty bread & Greek salad
or
Teriyaki beef served with soft polenta and spinach salad
or
Roast chicken, chips & salad
R16.50

FRIDAY
Public Holiday

футбол в Baku

2007-04-09T12:26:00.000-07:00

(Click on images to enlarge)

I came across these old photos today from July, 2003.

We went to Baku, capital of Azerbaijan, back then, for 2 weeks work with BP. One evening, three of us took a stroll to the old town for a bite to eat, and to look at some archeological sites.

We came across these kids playing football in an alley, and they reminded me of myself at their age. Except I don't think I ever played barefoot.

Reggae Reggae Sauce

2007-04-04T08:38:00.000-07:00

Mr Levi Roots does not need any publicity from me, but this product has now replaced ketchup in our household.

After his brilliant pitch to the Dragon's Den, the sauce is now in our local Sainsbury's, and I love it.

It has a tremendous kick to it, and I cannot now imagine potato wedges without Reggae Reggae Sauce.

And if you haven't seen the best ever 3 minute pitch in history, here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9lENam7zbw.

Delightful.

The London Breed, by Benjamin Zephaniah

2007-04-01T06:39:00.000-07:00

I love dis great polluted place

Where pop stars come to live their dreams

Here ravers come for drum and bass

And politicians plan their schemes,

The music of the world is here

Dis city can play any song

They came to here from everywhere

Tis they that made dis city strong

A world of food displayed on streets

Where all the world can come and dine

On meals that end with bitter sweets

And cultures melt and intertwine

Two hundred languages give voice

To fifteen thousand changing years

And all religions can rejoice

And exiled souls and pioneers

I love dis overcrowded place

Where old buildings mark men and time

And new buildings all seem to race

Up to a cloudy dank skyline,

Too many cars mean dire air

Too many guns mean danger

Too many drugs mean be aware

Of strange gifts from a stranger

It's so cool when the heat is on

And when it's cool it's so wicked

We just keep melting into one

Just like the tribes before us did,

With all its sirens and its speed

The people here united will

Create a kind of London breed

Liverpool 4 - Arsenal 1

2007-04-01T01:35:00.000-07:00

How many players can say they have scored a hat-trick in professional football?

How many players can say they have scored a hat-trick in the Premiership?

How many players can say they have scored a hat-trick in the Premiership against Arsenal?

How many players can say they have scored a hat-trick in the Premiership against Arsenal, on the day the new American owners of the club are in town to watch the team?

Peter Crouch is an extraordinary and sublime footballer.

Right foot, header, left foot. Perfect hat-trick.

Crouch is 6ft 7", but "route-one" football is nowhere to be found. As Mourinho says, "Rafa is not stupid".

Smarter Wars

2007-03-29T19:11:00.000-07:00

Chances of a US military combatant dying, or being wounded: -

1918 - World War I, 6.8%
1945 - World War II, 6.7%
1953 - Korean War, 2.7%
1973 - Vietnam War, 2.4%
1991 - Persian Gulf War (Desert Storm), 0.04%
Present - Afghanistan and Iraq Wars, 1.94%

Interestingly, no accurate statistics exist for civilian non-combatants.

(sources: Congressional Research Service, globalsecurity.org)

Bobby

2007-03-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

blah

Pretty damn good movie.

Emilio Estevez, Anthony Hopkins, Demi Moore, William H Macy, Sharon Stone, Heather Graham, Laurence Fishburne, Harry Belafonte, Martin Sheen, Helen Hunt, Lindsay Lohan, Elijah Wood, and Christian Slater.

blah

Written and directed by Emilio Estevez. Similar style to Short Cuts and Magnolia.

blah

Very fine movie.

Dead man walking

2007-03-26T16:33:00.000-07:00

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I generally give people the benefit of the doubt for a short while. Give them a chance to fuck up before coming to a conclusion. I gave Sven Goran Erikkson the benefit up until he fell for the fake Sheikh, and then I knew he was a fraud himself. Anyone so dim-witted and money hungry was not worth the paper he was written about in.

But.

With Steve McClaren, I knew he was a lame duck the moment he walked into the England manager's job.

The FA tried to get a world class manager and failed. There were some good names in the mix. Scholari, Capello, Wenger. I would have gone for Mourinho myself.

But after that, there were pygmies. Small minded English men of negligible talent. Line them up and give them their china tea cups to throw around to zero effect. Petty, provincial, imagination-starved, washed out, English mediocrities who deserve their bottom of the league status, or their pedestrian mid table status: Alardyce, Pardew, McClaren, Curbishley, Roeder.

blah

The cries that said "It has to be an Englishman", were not only ill-judged, they were also delusional. Bring back Graham Taylor. Or Howard Wilkinson.

blah

If I gave a shit, which I don't, I would say only one man can save England. And that man is Steve Coppell.

Extraordinary delusions and the madness of crowds

2007-03-15T20:32:00.000-07:00

When The Exorcist was re-released in 1998, the director William Friedkin was asked if he believed in demonic possession. He answered: "Yes, actually, I do. I can think of no other explanation for what happened in Germany in the 1930's".

Sidney Morgenbesser, 1921 - 2004

2007-03-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

Some anecdotes about the Columbia University philosophy professor.

On a debate about creation and the big bang, a girl stood up and asked the question, "Why is there something rather than nothing?". His response: "Even if there were nothing, ma'am, you'd still be complaining!"

"During a lecture, the Oxford philosopher J.L Austin said that a double negative implies a positive meaning, but there is no language in which a double positive implies a negative. To which Morgenbesser responded, "Yeah, yeah." (Some have it quoted as "Yeah, right.")

Morgenbesser was leaving a subway station in New York City and put his pipe is his mouth as he was going up the steps. A police officer told him that there was no smoking on the subway. Morgenbesser pointed out that he was leaving the subway, not inside it, and hadn't lit up yet anyway. The cop replied, "If I let you do it, I'd have to let everyone do it." The professor replied, "Who do you think you are, Kant?" The word "Kant" was mistaken for a vulgar epithet and Morgenbesser had to explain the situation at the police station.

After finishing dinner, Sidney Morgenbesser decides to order dessert. The waitress tells him he has two choices: apple pie and blueberry pie. Sidney orders the apple pie. After a few minutes the waitress returns and says that they also have cherry pie at which point Morgenbesser says "In that case I'll have the blueberry pie."

in fact...

2007-03-10T20:22:00.000-08:00

Of India's 1.1 billion population, only 35 million pay tax (around 3%).

A penny dropped from the top of the Empire State building would do no more than sting a pedestrian at ground level.

Bill Gates gets 4 million e-mails every day.

1 person in 10 in the world relies on the river Ganges for water.

Before World War I the Home Office employed 28 people. It now employs 70,000.

In the Eskimo language Inuktitut, there is a single word meaning "I should try not to become an alcoholic" - Imminngernaveersaartunngortussaavunga.

(Prospect magazine, March 2007)

"Shake up the world" - Muhammad Ali

2007-02-28T23:03:00.000-08:00

blah

Truly great advert on YouTube.

Click here--> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJe2Hxgw7Wg

Makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"He who submits to fate without complaint is wise" - Euripides

2007-02-28T22:06:00.000-08:00

blah

I have been getting into comic strip books recently. I cannot be bothered any more with endless pages of prose.

A couple of my favourites are the Manga Japanese comic strip versions of Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet, which are great fun to read. I read The Illiad in cartoon form to Nicholas, and it grabs his attention.

But for me the "silver back, alpha male gorilla" book of them all, and my current favourite, is "300" by Frank Miller. This is an A3 size beautifully produced hard-back, telling the story in comic strip form of the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 BC. The Spartan King Leonidas and 300 Spartans fought to the last man against the massive 100,000 strong Persian army, and King Xerxes. Facing insurmountable odds, the Spartans' sacrifice inspires all of Greece to unite against the Persian invaders.

blah

The film is out later this year. The book is visually stunning, with more shades of red than I knew existed.

blah

The Spartans hold a massive fascination for me. All they did was train and act in war. I think I like the discipline. As my old mate Sylvia Plath said: "Every woman adores a fascist".

blah

Spartans were men of few words. Chiefly these were: honour, duty, glory, combat, victory, shield, spear, sword, bone, flesh and blood.

blah

With the men playing soldiers, this meant that Spartan women enjoyed a status, power and respect that was unknown in the rest of the classical world. They controlled their own properties, as well as the properties of male relatives who were away with the army. It is estimated that women were the sole owners of at least 40% of all land and property in Sparta. Spartan women received as much education as men, as well as substantial amount of physical education and gymnastic training.

bah

They rarely got married before the age of 20, and unlike Athenian women who wore heavy, concealing clothes and were rarely seen outside the house, Spartan women wore short dresses and went where they pleased.

blah

The Spartans are often misrepresented as proto-fascists. But they were proto-feminists.

Equality bounces onto Centre Court

2007-02-23T10:17:00.000-08:00

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Wimbledon is proud of its history, but the All England Club yesterday dispensed with one of its oldest and most controversial traditions when it decided to award equal prize money to men and women from this year's tournament.

When Maud Watson won the first Wimbledon women's singles title 123 years ago the 19-year-old vicar's daughter was presented with a silver flower basket worth 20 guineas. William Renshaw, the men's singles champion, received a gold prize worth 30 guineas.

Some reaction: -

Venus Williams: "The greatest tennis tournament in the world has reached an even greater height today. I applaud today's decision by Wimbledon, which recognises the value of women's tennis."

Maria Sharapova: "Wimbledon has always been a leader in so many ways in the world of tennis. This decision will only strengthen the bond between women players and one of the world's great sporting events."
blah
Amélie Mauresmo: "It's not a matter of how much time we spend on the court. It's a matter of principle. In many countries all over the world women get paid less for the same work as men. That's not really fair."
blah

Billie Jean King: "Wimbledon is one of the most respected events in all of sports and this demonstrates to the rest of the world that this is the right thing to do for the sport, the tournament and the world."
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IBM has 7 people permanently at Wimbledon all year round, and during the tournament and its run up, we reach 350 people to run the technology, the event, statistics, web site, court-side wireless network, real time mobile device systems and the various media feeds. It is used as a corporate showcase and hospitality opportunity, and is a co-branding exercise (it says here). I think that means we make no money from Wimbledon itself, but it is a joint platform for two Superbrands, and a lot of business is generated there with the clients we host.

“Our business strategy is based on continual innovation and we look to IBM to help us
maintain the progress that our partnership has already delivered.”
- Ian Ritchie, Chief Executive at The All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club

Barcelona 1 Liverpool 2

2007-02-22T05:07:00.000-08:00

In the words of the great Brian Clough:

"Keep your mouth shut. Win it. Then talk your head off"