Best Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

"I wonder what would happen if Franz Ferdinand were assassinated" - Glenn Wool

"The Olympics are for everyone, not just someone who happens to own a dancing horse" - Glenn Wood, on dressage

"I like Jesus, but he loves me, so it's awkward" - Tom Stade

"Glasgow has its own version of Monopoly - just one big square that reads "Go To Jail" - Des Clarke

"A problem shared is attention gained" - Pippa Evans

"I love paying tax so much, the sight of a gritter lorry gives me an erection" - Jon Richardson

"I'm dating now, because I ran out of hooker money" - Rick Shapiro

"The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe. Wouldn't it just be easier to talk to a woman?" - Stephen Brown

"I don't hate Germans. I just miss my grandparents" - Ian Stone

"My boyfriend likes to role play. He likes to pretend we are married. He waits until I go to bed, then he looks at porn and has a wank" - Joanna Neary